Cartoonist/Illustrator - Jeff Larson
Minnesota
 (an 'anonymous' male Sunday morning mumble) I could tell this was going to be a very bad day to go to church. Just getting out of bed was tough enough.. and the Sunday paper was calling my name…. “psst fella, over here… read me!” The coffee was brewing, and it called out to me too.. “hey guy, slow down.. it’s Sunday.” So, I listened to the voices.. I grabbed the paper, a cup of coffee.. and I was ready for no-action. Now I am a good Christian man, but sometimes as the leader of our family it is important to declare a family day!.. meaning.. we stay home from church so we can spend time together bonding. Ok, ok.. family day is actually code for I WANT TO STAY HOME AND NOT SHOWER UNTIL NOON… drink a pot of coffee, and read the Sunday funnies, and the sports section. Well I may be the head of the house, BUT my wife wants to leave our home and sing with the other blessed saints at our church. Sing? I don’t like to sing, and I know the people I go to church with, and while they are nice people.. SAINTS they AINT.  So off we go to church leaving my Sunday morning paper and my coffee at home. “goodbye paper! Goodbye coffee!”… We have often traveled this familiar road to that familiar church with a backseat loaded with our darlin’ children who set the mood by bickering and fighting the whole blessed drive to church… which put me SOOO in the mood to worship. NOT! So I drive on lamenting the ‘family day’ lost.  Then we arrive to the blessed house of God and put on our happy faces. In the fellowship area they do have coffee.. but it is not STARBUCKS, or Folgers, or even SANKA. I like my coffee strong and black, but my church serves it in the traditional big ALUMINUM DRUM that has been used but not cleaned since the Eisenhower Administration. This is not real coffee, but I still down a couple cups of brew to keep me awake for what is to come. After the formalities of coffee we move to the church sanctuary. There are no cushy theater seating at our church but instead we have traditional wooden (with no pads) church pews so I sit and pray for a sliver free service. The sanctuary is not really so crowded, but I am a big guy, and the ambiance falls short in comfort to sitting in MY living room drinking MY coffee, and reading MY Sunday paper.. in MY PJs!! … BUT I DIGRESS… again!  The Worship Leader at church is a bit over the top, and his Las Vegas flair certainly is noticeable during his rendition of ‘The King is Coming’.. This only serves to bring the ‘worship wonders’ out of the wood work. I don’t sing so ‘gooder’, and my sense of rhythm is that of a badger with back spasms. IT’S NOT PRETTY… But no worry.. we have all the charismaniacs types to make up for me… performing I guess for style points. We have Bullwinkle, Six-shooter Sam, Holey Harry Holman, and I sitting right behind a guy with the plumbers backside with hands raised high. Even when the people are not hootin’ and hollerin’ they are peculiar.. AND past Sunday mornings have not been free of controversy. There was the Head-Lice epidemic of 1994. The Cal Ripken of ushers who should have just taken a sick day instead of infecting and grossing out the parishioners one communion Sunday in 1998. AND .. with regards to our church being full of grace.. well NOT to the repeat offenders who dare fall asleep during the sermon.  The offering/guilt plate is of course passed which I with a smirk said..”no thanks, I am trying to cut back on giving.” My smirk moves to a cringe at the sight of our pastor as he saunters up to the pulpit… armed only with one lapel microphone and the word of God… both which he seems to overuse.
Pastor's words and mannerisms are direct, and passionate, but with his zipper accidentally left wide OPEN that less than holy smirk returns to my face and I PRAY “Dear God please keep me from giggling!” Nothing sounds sillier than a big man giggling at church! So there you have it. I do hope and pray there are jewels in my crown someday when I get to Heaven because on this day.. I WAS AT CHURCH worshiping with the saints and aints when I wanting to be home worshiping God in my own way with my new Virtual Reality Church System. signed - some anonymous guy Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of an 'anonymous guy' and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Back Pew. :) 2/25/2016 The Flawed Folk Fellowship While all us 'good' church attending folk aspire to be like Jesus, we in reality very much like those who do not attend church. FLAWED. Besides Sunday morning church, us 'churchies' go to work, pay bills, drive in rush hour traffic that would test Mother Theresa's inner goodness. Mix in a few honest mistakes with a lazy compromise or two and v'iola we just like everyone else.  Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but church can be that place for the honest pursuit to understand and worship God, where God's Grace can provide that good ol' Peace that Passes all understanding Philippians 4:7, and we rejoice and support others. 1 Corinthians 12:26 Enough said today except to encourage everyone to find your own Fellowship of the Flawed Bretheren (aka church)...  and of course share the gospel of Jesus with others.
Blessings Jeff Note: The church my wife and I attend Grace Church of Roseville where the slogan is.. No perfect people allowed! I like that. 2/24/2016 The Five Suggestions Of course we all know the Ten Commandments Moses brought down from the mountain. These Commandments if obeyed would solve most if not ALL of societies Ills. Parpahrased loosely don't murder, commit adultry, or steal. Always tell the truth, do not envy or desire what others have... AND... there is only ONE GOD! Honor Him only with your worship, your priorities, and serve Him in all you do!  Simple but profound directions from God to honor our creator and get along with others. Why would anyone disagree with these Ten Commandments? Unless of course you are the ACLU. Go figure. Now while I would never command anyone.. except my dog I will make a few suggestions. And good news there are just 5, not 10. These suggestions are not delivered on two stone tablets, but only in this blog.. cuz stone tablets would cost too much in shipping charges. But I digress..  BEHOLD... The Five Suggestions -
 There you have it.. Five Suggestions that while Ithey pale in comparison to the Ten Commandments you must admit.. even if you only considered #2 it make this world a better place. My apologies for those of you who are a fan of 'you know who'.
May God bless your day with God's Truth, his loving commandments.. and while you may not listen to my 5 suggestions.. at least you guys listen to your wife when she says you are not going out in public looking like that. Jeff 2/20/2016 The Story of Evolution While I do not believe in evolution with regards to the monkey ancestor kind I do believe life certainly evolves. Let me share 'my' scientific findings from my 'exhaustive' study. Exhibit A (Valentines Day) THEN: On February 14, 1984 I bought my wife an engagement ring, flowers and proposed marriage. Good news for me Mary was very excited about spending the rest of her life with me. NOW: On February 13th my wife informed me she was going to grocery shop, then pick up some flowers for my 86 year old mom for Valentines Day. I replied "Great, and while you're at it, pick up something nice for yourself from me.. cuz I like ya."  Exhibit B (Romance) THEN: Mary and I were married in August 1984. The newlywed excitement of starting our lives together, holding hands, the excitement of the kiss, and all the other 'fringe benefits' of being married were truly wonderful. NOW: Just the other morning I tried to kiss my wife Mary on the lips before I headed out the door to work. But she turned her head at the last moment offering me only to her cheek to kiss. So I said to my bride "I noticed you turned away", and she replied matter of factly.. "yes I did not want you to wreck my lips." Wreck her lips? I was her husband wanting a simple kiss, not a zombie wanting to eat her lips.  Exhibit C (Sports) THEN: March Madness Year 1 was a simple game where dunking was not possible as the hunched over Neanderthal players had little to no vertical jump compounded by using a ball which technically was a medium sized boulder. NOW: The game now is fast, the players tall and athletic, the action is high flying and the courts are free of dinosaur droppings.  Exhibit D (Me) THEN: When I was a kid I could spend hours drawing cartoons. NOW: Hmmm, never mind that is still what I like to do. Exhibit E-Z (God) THEN & NOW: The great news outside of all this silliness is that our God did not evolve. His timeless truths are just that.. TIMELESS. Our society travels down a progressive road at 90mph with a bumper sticker claiming Wrong is the new Right. Why does our society believe it is privy to a new age of enlightenment? God never changed, nor do His timeless truths need to 'evolve' to account for our 21st Century World age of so called self-enlightenment. This truth of a non-evolving creator and His neverending love and Grace is the anchor we can count on. This is the message we need to share with our ever changing tumultuous world. May God bless each of you with the contentment found in honoring our Heavenly Father. Jeff 2/16/2016 Frankly.. I Dunno You would think the older I get and the longer I have been a Christian the less questions I have regarding my faith. Well, it just is not working out that way in fact I have more questions now then at any point in my life. Let me very clear though.. questions are not necessarily doubts. In the same way for example I have questions on how my high speed wireless internet connection works does not mean I doubt it work.. in fact I put my browsing faith in this not seen nor really understood my wi-fi wonder. In a similar way I am ok with unanswered faith questions as I trust in the goodness of my God much more than my wi-fi connection.  So back to matters of faith.. Here's a dozen doozey faith questions of mine. My questions may be your questions, or not. Q: Was the world created in a literal 7 days, or a figurative 7 days where each day represented a much longer time period? Q: On the 7th day did God set aside Sunday for rest only.. or rest and football? Q: Where do the dinosaurs fit in? Did Adam name them or Fred Flintsone? Q: Where did Cain's wife come from? Q: Should I believe in an old earth, or young earth? Q: Evolution, where does this fit in with the creation story if at all? Q: Sewing together fig leaves.. how did Eve keep them from bunching on her Singer Sewing machine? Q: How old is too old for building an Ark? Noah was over 600 years old while his sons were still spry 100 year olders. How did the local desert OSHA balance the obvious concerns regarding safe Ark building guidelines without appearing discriminatory towards these VERY senior citizens builders.  Q: How did Noah board all the animals let alone herd two cats? And what do we mean by ALL the animals? Other of my boarding concerns are self evident when it was time to board Lions, Tigers, and Bears.. OH MY! Q: Old Abraham and Old Sarah being the proud parents of .. the entire nation of ISRAEL? REALLY? Q: Jacob marries the wrong sister? Was Jacob outrageously nearsighted, or outrageously buzzed by like 50 light beers before he said I do. Q: Solomon has 700 wives? Seems like God would have nudged Solomon gently telling him he was over the marriage limit by about 699. And after how many marriages did Solomon have to give up his wisest man in the land title? Q: Jonah in the belly of the fish? Sounds like a whopper of a fish story to me. Q: The story of Job? No, wait I can relate to that one. Q: Jesus feeds the 5,000 with a few loaves and a couple fish. I believe it but like a magic trick I would like to watch Jesus hands closely to see how he did it. Now finally my big question outside of Bible stories.. Q: Do only those who believe in Jesus go to Heaven? This is what I have always been raised to believe and I know the gospel is the great news that we must share.. BUT what about Romans 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:  Of course as I often do.. I mix real questions of mine along with 'silly' questions (and images) of mine, and you might think they are all silly. Oh Jeff of little faith.. BUT no matter our questions I believe all answers are only obvious to our creator. Isaiah 55:8-9 For your ways are not my ways, or your thoughts my thought says the Lord. For as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways than your ways, and my thoughts than yours. I love that scripture.. it gives me peace (not a copout) for my questions. Also there is a worship song 'Good Good Father' by Chris Tomlin which shares the message of God's perfect love in balance with God's all knowing ways described in Isaiah 55:8-9. "Good Good Father" <-- click here to listen Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night And you tell me that you're pleased ... And that I'm never alone You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am Oh, and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide But I know we're all searching For answers only you provide Cause you know just what we need Before we say a word You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am Cause you are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us Oh, it's love so undeniable I, I can hardly speak Peace so unexplainable I, I can hardly think As you call me deeper still [x3] Into love, love, love [x3:] You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am You're a Good, Good Father (You are perfect in all of your ways) It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you (You are perfect in all of your ways) It's who I am, it's who I am it's who I am  Never ever be afraid of your honest faith questions, but I also want to enourage each of you to not let your unanswered questions injure your faith. Pursue God, pursue answers, study God's word, research apologetics, and prayerfully seek truth.
In the end realize whatever you choose to believe will require faith and .. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1. May God bless you on this journey to know him better. Jeff 2/9/2016 The best years of my life Hi, my name is Paul and this is my story how I found happiness. Before my trip to Damascus I was a big shot Pharisee type. I was an important man in the Jewish community with a focus at this time on putting an end to this Jesus movement. Then came that day on the road to Damascus I saw the light (both literally & figuratively). Of course my momma always said don’t look directly into the sun or you’ll burn out your eye balls.. well.. momma was right. But this light stopped me dead in my tracks like a traffic light on main street .. and there was a voice from the light calling me by name “Saul (my friends used to call me Saul).. why are you persecuting me?” because at this time I was described as.. a man breathing murders and threats against Christians .  This light, this voice, this Jesus had my full attention. So here I am blind as a bat with cataracts and have to be led the rest of the way to Damascus. This is where I met God and to show God’s ironic sense of humor I was instructed to resign from my position as ‘Chief Church Prosecutor / Persecutor’ and make a 180 degree change to my new calling to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Once my sight returned I could not stop preaching Jesus Christ. I was of course at first received cautiously by Christians who were unsure of my motives. I guess breathing murders and threats up til this point made a negative impression GO FIGURE, and.. was a mystery wrapped in an enigma with my Pharisee Lodge brothers. But in time Christians saw my love for Jesus was real, and the Jewish community realized this was not just a Pharisees mid-life crisis. My life would never be the same and these were dangerous, and miraculous times to be a follower of Jesus Christ. There was even a time where differences between myself and Silas resulted in us prayerfully and respectfully going different directions but still both serving the same God. You might want to call this the beginning of denominations. The church was truly now one body of many parts.  It was a time to sing , and a time of high drama , and a time to stand up for the truth that Jesus is the Messiah and the very son of God ! I also remember when a young man named Eutychus who fell asleep during one of my sermons, fell to his death, but .. got better? Anyways let’s just say from this day forward this young man was known as the unofficial patron saint for those who ‘sleep in church’ . And no hard feelings towards Eutychus, I tend to get a little long winded when I preach.  It was the Tale of Two Ministries and was the best of times, and the worst of times. It was a time of both great revival and great persecution. And no matter the price or personal loss the gospel message of Jesus Christ must be told to both the Jews (God’s chosen people) and the Gentile (that is everyone else). So then God uses this zealous anger of the religious establishment to get me arrested while others plotted my death . Funny thing is.. these were the best years of my life. Of course prison life, and being hated by those in power was not on my 'bucket list'.. BUT God was able to use these times to share his truth like only He could. While I suffered, God gave me peace that none of this was about me, but It was about sharing the greater hope in Jesus Christ.  I even endured a storm at sea , and was shipwrecked on the island of Malta. I believe the name of the boat was the S.S. Minnow, and if not for the courage of the fearless crew we would have all perished . Special thanks go out to the Skipper and his first mate.. who I think the professor called.. Gilligan. Then while around a fire on this island I was bit by a poisoness snake . Of course God protected me again.. I shook off the snake and the only frustrating after affect was that several of the crew took this as a sign to start a ‘Snake Handler Church’. After 3 months on this Island we set sail again and made our trip to Jerusalem where again I could plead my case for Jesus and the truth that he was the son of God who came to earth, lived, was crucified for our sins, and was resurrected, and now is in Heaven with the Father.  What a great honor for God to choose me the once great hater of the church to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ! God is so good, and I am blessed. To sum it all up after the Damascus Road I was blinded, beaten, hated, ship wrecked, snake bit, and had a discount punch card for all my time spent in jail… BUT truth be told.. I was too busy serving to really notice .
May God bless each of your lives, and give you opportunities to serve Him and others in ways that make your lives full and complete. Be faithful in the moments that make up your day, and may your happiness never be measured in comfort or wealth but in service to God and others. When you discover this, then you also will be living the best years of your lives. Paul 2/8/2016 breaking bad.. again Breaking Bad was the hit TV show on AMC a few years back where unassuming high school chemistry teacher and family man Walter White evolves over 5 seasons into someone truly bad. Maybe.. Not since God tossed Satan out of Heaven has there been a comparable BREAKING BAD moment. Walter White's life was a slippery slope of compromise, and his white lies evolved into massive coverups. Walter White changes over these few years into a ruthless big time meth producer responsible for countless murders, and in the end, he dies alone, his family is destroyed, and the wake of his truly bad choices on those around him were far reaching for both innocent and guilty. Even those who survived DID NOT live happily ever after but were truly Badly Broken. note: For those of you contemplating binge watching Breaking Bad on Netflix please disregard the previous paragraph. MY BAD Ok, so far there are three obvious lessons learned 1. Don't cook Meth, 2. Don't Murder, and 3. Don't trust criminals to keep secrets.  But Breaking Bad is actually the story of mankind and from the very beginning it seems to be what we do. Our sins great and small, and our attempts to cover them up. To get things started here are a few BB moments from our Bibles.
 Then let's fast forward to popular Breaking Bad paths we travel today..
 But no matter our Breaking Bad issue here are a couple great scriptures of comfort and perspective.
1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. AND if/when we fall.. know the grace of our Heavenly Father is perfect. No matter how great or small your prodigal moment. May God bless each of you with your journey. Jeff  Never Never Hardly Everland (NNHELand) is a magical land where WE are all ok, and THEY are not. In NNHELand we live by our three Statements of Denial. 1. At least I never ... (insert excuse here) 2. I am not as bad as... (so-in-so) 3. I’m sorry BUT... (insert here rationale making your apology unapologetic)  In NNHELand we even can reference our Bibles for a feel better fix. For example.. - Well at least I never tried to 'give away' my wife like Abraham. - Well at least I never was 'saved by a prostitute'. - At least I get along with my neighbors better than Samson did. - Well, I know I married better than Ahab.. and married less than Solomon.  More 'I aint so bad after all' pick me ups can be found by attending church, and rubbing elbows with real life folk who again are.. ' abviously not as good as you'. - I never have drooled into a dish at a church potluck. - I know the difference between figurative and literal unlike some. - I do NOT think out loud.. most of the time  We all know Neverland is fictional and there is no Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, or Captain Hook, and also it is better to realize NNHELand is a land of make believe as in reality we are all sinners saved by Grace.
Truth be told the stories of flawed men and women of the Bible, in history, and today used by God who served God despite circumstances, limitations, and/or failings is inspirational. Abraham the Liar - Becomes The father of a Nation Moses the Murderer - Delivered Israel from Slavery David the Shepherd Boy - Defeats the Giant Noah the Boat Builder - saved mankind from the great flood Peter and his sinking Faith - Was the Rock Jesus built his church on Paul the persecutor of the Church - Becomes the first great missionary No need to hide out in NNHELand as we are all sinners saved by God's Grace. Instead be faithful in the big and little ways in your life so God can bless and use you in ways that are beyond your dreams. Blessings Jeff (Never Never Hardly Ever Sleeping in Church) Larson 2/1/2016 The Messiah is Here! No wait, never mind that was just Donald Trump on TV. There.. with this one statement I am able to divide my readers into two distinct groups. 1. Those who love Mr. Trump's fresh cander, and 2. Those who consider 'The Donald' an abrasive/devisive blowhard.  Here we are knee-deep in the 2016 Election year with the leading candidates being The Donald, Hillary, Ted Cruz, Bernie Sanders and no matter who you like or dislike the least :) I have noticed with my keen eye for detail the Messiah is not on the ballot. We are barraged with new polls telling us who is winning, who is likeable, to be trusted, tough on terror, pro-life, pro gun rights, who is most likely to be spotted hugging a tree, and maybe who is most likely to floss daily. Who will win Iowa? win the South, the Evangelical vote, black vote, Latino vote, and the very important 'finger to the wind' vote. All of this information is neatly packaged for us with the bias of your choice Fox News (righties) and everyone else (lefties) in easy to consume news bites. Or as I like to call it, JUNK FOOD for the voting public.  What seems lost to me in all of this is FAITH. While being a good Christian would not make you a good president (else I would vote for my wife), still our Christian faith and traditonal values should be the guiding compass for all of us including presidential candidates.
So I conclude this little political vent by saying the Messiah is not on the ballot, but that is what we need more than a Donald, Hilley, Bernie or Col Sanders. Pray for our nation, and for a revival where we no longer apoligize for our Christian heritage and where Christian values are the norm not the exception and when the Messiah returns he smiles and says well done. Blessings Jeff |
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Back Pew - Draw Close to God
116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING..
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©2019 Jeff Larson - All Rights Reserved
2/28/2016
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