Cartoonist/Illustrator - Jeff Larson
Minnesota
 In my collection of cartoon topics I have boldly cartooned where man should not cartoon.. the topics of dating and marriage. Ok maybe boldly is not the right word .. maybe I foolishly cartoon to a land of THIN ICE. So walk with me today, but tread lightly because.. HELLO.. the ice is THIN... the water is COLD.. and you will go DOWN. THIN ICE is found.. where a man.. 1. Speaks words he should not speak, 2. Does things or does not do things he should or should not do, and/or 3. Thinks things he should not think. SHE WILL KNOW!  You may say well that is confusing. What I say or don't say.. what I do or don't do, and even what I think could put me THIN ICE? Of course for all men who are in or have been in a relationship with a woman you know the answer is YES, but you may not always know how you got there until you hear the ice cracking. Even after being married almost 36 years I still find ways to test for thin ice. Sometimes this is by mistake as 'who can understand the mind of the fairer sex'. side note: Why are women called the fairer sex when guys continue to get in trouble without a definitive list of dos & don'ts, say & don't say.. and thinks. I mean, guys who play sports know the rules, so why isn't that way in marriage? - end of side note -  But back to being married almost 36 years. There are other times where I test the ice and even intentionally step out further on the ice.. knowing it is thin but having a bit of RUSH testing it out. I think I like the feeling of living dangerously.. You know, see how far I can go. But I would not advise this to any man in the first 20 years of marriage .. this is simply too risky. Correction, do not test thin ice in the first 30 years.. ok, don't test it at all, only test thin ice if you consider yourself a professional LIKE ME. It matters not if you are a slender 125 pound fella or a ' big boned' 350 pounds..Both men and all men of all shapes and sizes know.. THE ICE IS THIN & UNFORGIVING. There, I have exhausted my words so let me finish out today's blog with a few illustrations. You know they say a picture is worth 1,000 words. So a cartoon should be worth 250-500 words by my estimate.
For more examples of Man Dancing on Thin Ice.. visit my Dating & Marriage page where life imitates art... or is it cartoon imitates life. May God bless and use each of you today in ways that are beyond your dreams.. even if you wander on THIN ICE. Jeff 6/27/2020 A Woman's Purse I was in our master bathroom where around the bathroom vanity there were 29 separate items.. four of which were mine. I have a razor, toothbrush, deodorant, and toothpaste (the toothpaste I share with my wife).. the rest belong to my bride. Included in the other 25 or so items is a bag of makeup… so in reality the total is much more one sided. BUT.. if I trim my beard and a few whiskers are left around the sink.. the countenance of my bride darkens… but do I ever complain about ‘OUR’ bathroom vanity covered with a cosmetology collective of spray bottles, brushes, lip STUFF, hair dryers and the like?? <pause> Oh wait, I guess I am now.. BUT NOT TO HER FACE… so that does not count.  This brings me to a similar subject .. a ‘WOMAN'S PURSE’. To me this is much like a Magician’s Hat.. where my wife will ask me for example to get her car keys from her purse for her. I cringe as I know THIS WILL NOT BE EASY.. so with my mouth hanging open, and my brow furrowed I look inside into the unending collection of ‘necessities’.. A LADY'S LABYRINTH of no end! Even though her purse is very typical in size.. when you look inside it seems to go on forever. I finally closed my eyes, reached in and pulled out a rabbit, but no car keys. She then smirks, reached in her purse without taking her eyes off me and retrieves her keys with a look that said to me “are you blind?” Another time when looking for a blessed stick of gum I caught a glimpse of what I believe was a secret passage to the Land of Narnia behind her cellphone, tic tacs, and what appeared to be a magnum 44 hand gun.. but I found the gum became distracted and lost sight of this Narnia portal.  Also, there is a third mystery I would like to share..
With my razor, toothbrush, deodorant, and a clean pair of jeans I can be ready for church in less than 15 minutes from shower to starting the car.. while my wife the process is a tad longer.. A REALLY BIG TAD. I mean.. Mary must choose between outfits to wear, and does not use the guy-proven method of preparation which is … wear what is clean OR.. do the quick smell test if we are not sure if that shirt left on the floor the other week is still ok for a little Sunday morning hand raising. Then again, Mary does look and smell better than me... but if it were a race, the safe money is on me. So what is my spiritual message today? <insert refelctive pause here> Maybe if for no other reason man and woman are meant for each other so.. guys don't go to church dressed like the fella in the above picture.. and men are good for woman to.. umm.. to.. umm.. kill protect the fairer sex from mice and spiders? That's all I got, I am drawing a blank. Seriously, may God bless and use each of you today in ways that are beyond your dreams. For you ladies may you find your bathroom vanities whisker free, and your man willing and able to navigate the Estrogen Ocean of your purse without making any comments. Jeff (Survivor on Estrogen Island) Larson 2/15/2019 Birth .. one man's perspective Most every year around this time I like to share the story of the birth of our first born. The birth of each of our children have their own special story, but my son Curtis just had a birthday on February 13th so it is his turn to be remembered in this birth blog. Thirty three years ago my wife and I were anxious parents-2-be expecting our first. We had already made a few typical false alarm trips to the hospital (aka Braxton Hicks practice contractions), but on February 13th, 1986 it was the real deal and life would NEVER be the same.  READY SET GO.. At 12:30 a.m. on February 13th 1986 my wife and I had just headed off to bed for a long winter’s nap. About midnight I arrived home from working the evening shift at my job and was off to bed with my fully 9 months pregnant wife Mary. Before I could even fade into sleep Mary exclaims “My water broke, or I just peed the bed.” So off to the races we headed for the birth of our child #1. BUT FIRST.. We had to stop was for gas as I had not planned on this midnight run to the hospital all while Mary’s contractions were kicking in to gear. NOTE TO SELF: Keep gas tank full when babies are near due date. So we arrive at the hospital ( I ran a few red lights just for added high drama) and the nurses get us settled into our room and notify our doctor. Mary is then hooked up all sorts of monitors including this cool baby monitors that measures the strength of her contractions. COOL..something for me to watch over the next hours. OVER THE NEXT HOURS.. The contractions come and go.. the doctor visits and early on is able to give Mary the drugs of choice to calm the pains. I remember after several of the contractions where Mary seemed to be hurting especially bad I said to her.. “That one was not really that bad it was only a 4 on the monitor.” Shortly later I found out the monitor strap had come loose and was not measuring accurately. NOTE TO SELF: Do not think 'out-loud'. BIRTH CLASS IN ACTION: Mary and I had attended the birthing classes, so I knew to hold her hand and to coach her breathing. Problem was Mary preferred to hold the nurses hands because they were cooler to the touch, and at one point during my breathing she said.. “Quit breathing in my face.” NOTE TO SELF: Quit breathing?? MORE DRUGS .. PLEASE: So the hours move along and it is early morning around 4:30 when Mary pleads with her doctor for more drugs.. but the doc says nope.. too late.. no more drugs for you. At least I was smart enough at this point to not repeat the doctor’s words. I just sat quietly supportive. NOTE TO SELF: Plead Mary’s case for drugs as a sign of being supportive, and ask for some for self as my back is killing me.  THING ARE GETTING INTENSE: Around 8 a.m. the pains are strong, but the process seems to have stalled a bit. So while Mary is in her ‘painful’ holding pattern, the morning breakfast cart rolls around. They peek in and ask sheepishly.. “Breakfast anyone?” There is a momentary silence.. then I finally say.. “Yes, I think I could eat something.” NOTE TO SELF: Next time shout, can’t you see my wife is in labor, and then meet cart in hallway for a secret snack under the guise of chewing them out. So the process continues as I eat breakfast and between bites of food call to my wife with my mouth full.. “push”.. and “remember your breathing.”  FOR UNTO US A CHILD IS BORN: Finally around 10:00 a.m. a child is born and they shall call his name .. Curtis Walter Larson. He is healthy, a bit cone headed but a keeper. After the usual initial checks and I get to cut the cord from 'mothership' Mary we head back to our private room where the three of us mom, dad, and new baby Curt.. all lying in the same bed. And around 12:30 early that afternoon, baby Curt is asleep, I am asleep (and snoring) while Mary lies wide awake with the adrenaline rush of her life.
NOTE TO SELF: I don't know what Mary thinks BUT.. this giving birth thingy is exhausting! So there you have it, BIRTH FROM ONE MAN’S PERSPECTIVE. Now 33 years later we have a son Curtis Walter Larson who has given us both our share of joys and exasperation. NOTE TO SELF: God is good, Mary is wonderful, and Curtis is a son to be proud of. Jeff 5/2/2018 The Good Wife.. The Good Wife was a popular TV show that my good wife and I got hooked on. Each week white lies, big lies, corruption, infedelities, indescretions, scandals, deceipt and other naughtiness found in politics, marriage, and in the court of law are crammed into one 60 minute Sunday night broadcast. The Good Wife was just a TV show weaving together much of what is wrong with society for our entertainment value (not to mention they all drink A LOT A LOT) and not a model for a happy society. In contrast my wife is the Truly Good Wife! A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Proverbs 31:10  My 'very Good Wife' Mary in contrast may be armed with a honey do list and a disapproving glance at my Sunday choice of clothes, but her honey do list does prod me from my computer chair and I confess I sometimes need her help regarding my wardrobe. Mary is all about her faith, family and friends with special focus and love reserved for our children, and grandchildren. She also loves and affirms me no matter our circumstance. Her joy and laughter for life is infectious. I am blessed. I would encourage everyone to read all of Proverbs 31:10-31. Hymn to a Good Wife (Msg)10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises! Your wife may shop at Walmart instead of making her own clothes, and wear jeans instead of fine linens. Your wife may work outside the home and not just exist as solely as the happy homemaker, but this proverb paints a great picture of A Good Wife who loves God, family, friends, and cares for those in need. And it goes without saying was NOT a scripture passage referenced in creating a TV show called The Good Wife. Ha!.. Tell that to Julianna Margulies! May God bless all of you good wives out there. I would add a blessing for you guys but.. let's explain again.. your wives are your blessing. Jeff  note: 'Important Stuff' I have learned from watching the TV show The Good Wife
 * Some say television is just wasting time and turns our brains to mush, but look at what I have learned. :)
 It is not good for man to be alone. God decided this before the second chapter of Genesis was over. Genesis 2:18 Adam's socks were all over the Garden. Dirty dishes were everywhere, and all man did was sit around watching ball games on TV telling knock knock jokes.. to himself. Besides, Adam was not even using that rib.  So it was clear then and is now it was not good for man to be alone UNLESS his only choice is a NAG Proverbs 21:19.. then God advises.. get a room on the second floor of a one story home. The view is spectacular and the quiet is so welcome. :) Of course there is much more to be said about God's Gender Odd Couple (man & wife). Both common sense and God's word make this abundantly clear. One of my favorite verses to take out of context is Ephesians 5:22 Wives SUBMIT to your husbands.  This is an annoying verse to my wife Mary when I take too long to pause and ponder this 'great' scripture without continuing to read the next 11 verses. I even try to convince her that there are only 22 verses in Ephesians 5. She is not amused. But when I get serious and take time to read Ephesians 5:21-33 in a modern translation like The Message (MSG) my smirky bell-ringing stereotype of 5:22 goes silent. 21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The Husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband. There you have it, just like when Jesus taught us how to pray in 5 short verses (Mt 6:9-13), now Paul shares how to have a happy marriage in 13 short verses (Eph 5:21-33). This scripture of a good marriage does inspire me to love, cherish and appreciate my wife, BUT I also do see in verse 32 Paul admits.. This is a huge mystery and I don't pretend to understand. Well Paul, welcome to my Marriage Mystery Club with a membership of about a BA-ZILLION!  Marriage truly is a beautiful mystery though our different emotional and processing 'wiring' often do create a few sparks. Just know even in the best of marriages you can count on your share of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, disagreements, a few tears, and if looks could kill.. I WOULD BE DEAD 1000 times over!  In the end most days most of us both love our spouse to death, and are scratching our heads wondering what planet your spouse is from.
May God bless each of you that are married with spouses that are described in Eph 5:21-33, and not Proverbs 21:19. Jeff 5/21/2017 That day I became.. a WOMAN! There was a time in my life not so long ago when I worked from home. While my wife rushed off to work everyday to her job as a school teacher there was no punching a clock or fighting rush hour traffic for me. I remember back during this time of our lives on a typical morning when the alarm goes off. My wife Mary hops out of bed ready to begin another day of molding young minds. Though I work from home I pop out of bed too so to spend time with Mary and maybe make myself useful. So I shuffle downstairs, start the coffee, let the dogs outside to do their 'bizness' then back in they come to be fed  My wife soon after joins me downstairs to drink coffee, eat some toast, and exchange a little small talk about the upcoming day while the fog lifts from our sleepy brains. After a few minutes my wife starts back upstairs to finish getting ready but on her way up asks with a smile.. “Honey would you fix me a lunch?” I have grown fond of her over many years of marriage and so I am glad to make myself useful. So off to the kitchen I go where I make a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, with mayo just like Mary likes. I also pack a small bag of chips and a couple cookies because she is sweet. Just a few minutes later Mary rushes back downstairs grabs her keys, lunch (made with love) and gives me a quick kiss as she heads out the door.. This is when I say to her in a very needy tone.. “Call me later.. I miss you when I don’t hear from you. ” <insert dramatic pause here> What kind of man says.. “Call me later.. I miss you when I don’t hear from you. ” I can still see those words hanging in the air ( like a cartoon bubble) when it hits me.. I HAVE JUST BECOME A WOMAN!! This was concerning.. I mean.. I do not suffer from Gender Confusion, I do not watch Ellen, Oprah, Dr. Phil, or hang out with Bruce/Kaitlyn Jenner... I found this moment both ironic and more than a bit CREEPY.  The good news is my wife and I are true partners, and while I share this story with a smirk our roles as husband & wife, and father & mother are not blurred. Ephesians 5:21-33 is our happy goal for a happy marriage.
I pray you all have a very blessed day as I must leave you now to clip coupons, and then do my nails. well.. there I go again!! Jeff (apron wearing in the Back Pew) Larson note: In 2015 I sold my business and returned to working a 9-5 job and navigate rush hour traffic. So my modern and caring sensitive guy thingy moments have gone dormant. 5/18/2017 Lone Survivor on Estrogen Island Not so long ago in 2014 I lived in a land with my wife, 22 yr old daughter Erin, 84 year old mom Nellie, 2 female dogs Baylie & Pepper, and one female cat Gizmo. I was as I like to aptly describe stranded on Estrogen Island. This was a lonely time in my life with no one to talk football with as the natives only spoke Estrogenese. Though Estrogenese resembles English in structure but was a dialect ripe with hidden meanings.  No longer did yes, mean yes, or no mean no, and other common words like fine, nothing, whatever, and wow when translated had double and sometimes TRIPLE meanings. Communication was further complicated when any of the above mentioned key words were used in combination. This was the dreaded DOUBLE AMBIGUOUS. For example, if I tell my wife I am staying home and watch the baseball game instead of shopping with her she may say.. "fine, whatever." This is a double ambiguous where going to the game is NOT FINE, and WHATEVER.. is the last thing I should consider. In these cases where I was in trouble (aka Thin Ice) for 'whatever' I learned flowers, jewelry, and watching Downton Abbey with my wife were all acceptable peace offerings. I FELT SO USED.  On Estrogen Island there is also a region once known as the master bathroom sink but has overgrown into a Beauty Labyrinth. It is covered with lotions, potions, brushes, blushes, tweezers, scissors, clippers, makeup, creams, 'smelly stuff', sprays & other misc. items not so easily identified. Leaving me in angst for my daily search in the Labyrinth for my toothbrush. This become a matter of prayer for me. The Beauty Labyrinth is similar to the mystery of a woman's purse. On the inside of what appears to be a simple handbag you will find cellphones, credit cards, cash, change, coupons, tic-tacs, tylenol, makeup, needle & thread,gum, sunglasses, and a Glock 43 handgun. Move over NRA, Conceal & Carry has a new home. In summary, not since the Tower of Babel have the languages been so confused.  Since this time on Estrogen Island in 1984 much has changed. My mom passed away, Erin moved out on her own, Pepper & Baylie & Gizmo are all now in pet Heaven (though I am not sure about Gizmo) :) and my wife and I have added a male dog named Cooper.
You would think that would mean in our divided home government Cooper would cast his support to me.. you know guys stick together.. BUT no, Cooper loves Mary and is wary of me. Good news is I have grown fond of Mary and her Estrogen infused ways lest my home look like an extended man cave where heat & serve food would be my go to meal plan. May God bless you each today with happiness and contentment whether you live on Estrogen Island, or find yourself in Testosteronia. May your interactions with the natives of each be respectful of how God created us each wonderfully different. Jeff (Survivor) Larson  It is not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18, God makes this clear just barely into chapter 2 of Genesis. His socks were all over the Garden. Dirty dishes were everywhere, and all man did was sit around watching ball games on TV telling knock knock jokes.. to himself.  So it was clear then and is now it was not good for man to be alone.. UNLESS his only choice is a NAG Proverbs 21:19.. then God advises.. get a room on the second floor of a one story home. The view is spectacular and the quiet is so welcome. :)  Of course there is much more to be said about God's Gender odd couple by design (man and wife). Both common sense and God's word make this abundantly clear. One of my favorite verses to take out of context is Ephesians 5:22 Wives SUBMIT to your husbands. This is a very annoying verse to my wife when I take too long to pause and ponder this 'great' scripture without continuing to read the next 11 verses. I even try to convince her that there are only 22 verses in Ephesians 5. She is not amused. But when I get serious and take time to read Ephesians 5:21-33 in a modern translation like The Message (MSG) my smirky bell-ringing stereotype of 5:22 goes silent. 21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The Husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.  There you have it, just like when Jesus taught us how to pray in 5 short verses (Mt 6:9-13), now Paul shares how to have a happy marriage in 13 short verses (Eph 5:21-33). side note: I wonder if Matthew offers any advice tax advice.
This beautiful summary of a good marriage does inspire me to love, cherish and appreciate my wife, BUT I also do see in verse 32 Paul writes.. This is a huge mystery and I don't pretend to understand. Ok, I have been told Paul was talking about Christ love for his church, but.. 'A Huge Mystery' does describe marriage too. Finally, know marriage is a mystery but it is beautiful thoug it is often complicated by the simple 'wiring' differences between man and wife. You can count on your share of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, disagreements, a few tears, and if looks could kill.. I WOULD BE DEAD! In the end most days while you love your spouse to death you will be scratching your head wondering what planet your spouse is from. May God bless each of you that are married with spouses that are described in Eph 5:21-33, and not Proverbs 21:19. Jeff |
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116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING..
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7/2/2020
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