Cartoonist/Illustrator - Jeff Larson
Minnesota
 The word of God is sharper than a two edged sword, it penetrates even to the soul and spirit, joint and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12 I claim this scripture anew today.. BUT.. I observe even those of us in the church too often spend too little time reading, studying or fully living the truths taught in God's word. Any bible resemblance to a sword in America is sadly reduced to a plastic butter knife found at any church potluck... or a 'spork' One of my favorite gifts EVER was a Bible presented to me by my wife on Christmas 2000. I truly love my Bible and it is precious to me.. but in the harried pace of life I know I don't spend the time reading God's word as I should. It truly is a trick of the devil and my cluttered mind that I do not spend more time in the book I believe is the inspired word of God  As I write this email it is the Summer of all things Covid-19 where our country and this world are on high alert to the health risks associated with this new variant of the flu. Another health risk maybe not covered by my annual flu shot is the risk of inhaling DUST from a seldom used bible. Our country needs to blow the dust off these Bibles risking Bible Dust Lung, and open them risking Paper cuts that are sharper than any two-edged sword to find TRUTH which is our ONLY WAY back to God.  I do confess .. the Bible includes more than its fair share of arduous facts, BUT it is much more than Church trivia, and is NOT a collection of fairy tales and/or folk lore. Our Bibles contain the timeless truths of God and Chronicles the history of His providence for mankind. Simply by reading our bibles we can begin to grasp His greatness, love, and Amazing Grace for mankind both from the Garden through today.  Next, let's address a couple age old EXCUSES for not reading my Bible.
 My prayer is that finding your Bible on Sunday morning is not as easy as looking for the place I left it the week before when I came home from church.
If you are guilty of underachieving Bible reader moments me, there id no better time to start a Bible Resolution than today. Also, note.. Some time is better than NO time, and I believe God blesses our efforts to know Him better in ways that are BEYOND OUR DREAMS. May God find His followers faithfully seeking Him with His Word. May this knowledge of God's word unite us not divide us, and may we experience His love for us and in return share this love with this angry hurting world. Blessings Jeff note: If you are worried about Bible dust lung put on your Covid mask, and if you are worried about paper cuts.. band aids are in the medicine cabinet. In both cases you will live to tell the tale.. 7/7/2020 Behold the power of.. SLEEP! I watched a show a while back on the often overlooked fuel of sleep. When I short myself on a proper amount of sleep I compromise my mood ( i get pouty), capabilities, productivity, clarity of thought, and in general my outlook on life becomes negative. Without good sleep any circumstance I face may be tainted with depression, anger, impatience, with maybe more than a smidgen of hopelessness. Admittedly I am kind of a baby. It is often easier said then done when sleep deprived is to get more sleep, but.. when I do get enough sleep those clouds of confusion and irritation part, and what once felt hopeless is now met with a more rationale and healthy vantage point leaving me scratching my head why I ever thought my situation was hopeless.  Last night was a good example of this. In the summer of 2020 we are in an election year, dealing with Covid-19, and racial tensions are higher than any point in my lifetime. Anarchy is in the streets, and all this while the 24/7 news gleefully gaslights all this into a roaring fire where traditional values are mocked, and in God we trust is questioned if not sneered at. So this all makes me irritated. I prayed a little, but I mumble more as I find all this reporting is to sell a story, and not offer solutions or positive comments. Well my mumbling and maybe a little bit of a tired brain started me rolling down hill feeling hopeless about society, and very such feeling that way about church in America. Then comes this morning where I wake up and none of this bad world was overwhelming me. I still believe the evening news is (forgive me) a sewer, but my happiness is not defined by this sewage. Joy is not found either in the very real circumstances of this world but it starts with my relationship with God, and to see the blessings I have and so the sun is shining a bit more in my spirit. Moral the story so far? SLEEP it does a body good.  Then just as bad, no actually worse is when afflicted by spiritual deprivation where I do not take time for God declaring myself too busy. To miss out on a daily devotional time, and compromise my prayer times with God compromises .. my spirit and perspective on life just like operating on 4 hours of sleep while eating junk food all night. YECH! Yes, spiritually speaking I feel YECH! I may even confuse my life further by excluding the good life disciplines of exercise, work, and play. AND IF.. I do take time for my relationship with God I find my perspective, attitude, and joy fall short of what God intends and desires for me. In contrast, IF I honor God with prayer and devotional times the clouds of doubt and loneliness part for me as God is now included included in my day as he should be.  Summary: Be sure to get a proper amount of the overlooked fuel for my body of sleep, AND be sure to include the discipline and joy of a personal relationship with God.
May God bless each of you in this journey to honor Him with all your resources. Jeff (looking forward to a nap) Larson side note 1: I have a confession to make.. At this point in my life.. I lOVE NAPS. What was the big deal when we were kids and we never wanted to go down for a nap. Now, in the afternoon, I get a little groggy, and then will take a 20 minute (or longer) nap. It simply feels so good. side note 2: Sleeping in church is still frowned on.. though it cannot be eradicated completely even with the use of SHOCK COLLARS that are tuned into your REM cycle. 7/6/2020 The Gospel Paradox I wrote a while back about GETTING WHAT I DESERVE from God. I shared in this blurb I deserve God's Grace, I deserve His Love because I am a child of God and God the Father is the perfect parent, and even as an imperfect parent myself I would always forgive and forget and strive to be patient and graceful towards my kids no matter their mistakes. This GETTING WHAT I DESERVE writing was met with mixed reviews as some shared Grace is a gift we do not deserve, and our goodness is as filthy rags in comparison to our creator. This is also true. Here in lies for me the PARADOX as both seemingly contradictory statements are true. We are all God's children, and He desires each one of us choose Him, BUT I know first hand my weaknesses my failures, my selfish desires are sometimes far from the heart of God.  I could ramble on about this topic and may do so another day, but today I will use the PRODIGAL SON as a great story of this paradox. This rebellious son chose his own way with his own free will and was allowed by the father to separate his life and choices totally from the father. During this time he was still the son and was loved, but far from doing anything remotely obedient or loving. Once the prodigal son hit bottom, he grieved his poor decisions and with his same free will CHOSE to return to the father who welcomed him NOT with scolding words of disappointment BUT with open arms and love and a celebration of a son who was lost but is now found. My son was lost but now is found.  This prodigal son was both selfish, sinful, rebellious, and also loved beyond description by his Father. Both aspects of the son were true.. he was a walking talking (smelling like a pig pen) paradox... and so are we. Our very best is NOTHING compared to our Heavenly Father. He deserves and desires our love and appreciation but we have the choice to 'GO PRODIGAL' on Him. Isn't it great to be loved like this. Unconditional love that welcomes us back when we blow it. Of course you may be like the other son who has NOT wandered far from home and was good, BUT please take on the heart of the father when those who have suffered prodigal moments have returned. We should celebrate the return of a brother or sister, and not EVER shake our heads comparing our relative goodness. Note: The very best of any of us is still truly filthy rags compared to our Father. Not shaming anyone, but the very best virtuous, moral, giving, talented, gifted orators are clanging cymbals without God's love. So be thankful, stay humble, and rejoice with others and with the Father always.  This PARADOX is the heart of the gospel. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 Two seemingly contradictory statements that are both beautifully true.
May God bless and use you today no matter if you are the good rule following child of God OR.. the prodigal who has wandered away YET AGAIN. Both of you are His children and you are loved, and you DESERVE HIS GRACE if you choose it.. because that is what perfect love does. Accept this paradox from God. Jeff (A living Breathing Back Pew Paradox) Larson The Back Pew believes it is ok to have a sense of humor and still be allowed in Heaven. 7/4/2020 That UNCLE SAM I amFrom time to time I share cartoons, and blogs regarding my concerns that America has compromised it's Christian values. America was founded as a Christian nation but is now a melting pot of faiths where false gods are given equal billing with the only true God of our Bibles. We should NOT apologize for our Christian heritage, but instead should embrace and develop it.  So that was then, but today I want to follow up with an email title borrowed from the ‘very minor prophet’ Dr. Seuss where the Sam I speak of is Uncle Sam. That Sam I am, that Sam I am, I do like that Uncle Sam I am. We are blessed to be in a country (even with all it’s problems) where we can worship God freely (modified by Covid-19 in 2020), where I can pray and am not truly persecuted for my faith. That Sam I am That Same I am, I do like that Uncle Sam I am... though I am not so sure about any Green Eggs and Ham. maybe on the 4th a slice of good ol' Apple Pie...with a scoop of Vanilla ice cream. Ok, two scoops.  I live in a beautiful country that that is presently (summer of 2020) in turmoil. Covid-19 pandemic, racial tensions are high, and a portion of population including anarchist group (ie Antifa) are rioting, looting, and destroying historical monuments.. all while the 24/7 news channels are giddy gaslighting the chaos. We can debate another day if this or any is justified and what is fake but there is no debate life in America is a mess. With all this being said I still do not really know what true hardship is. I live in a country blessed with great family, friends, and a church heritage from rural Wisconsin that is the roots of who I am.. and for me to wallow in any difficult circumstance I may face is really a moment of lost perspective.  And.. There is nothing new under the sun-- While I am not lowering the bar of expectations for America to honor God first, I am thankful for the blessings of living in a nation where so much is possible. Prayers and dreams of what could be and for a perspective of what God wants for me, my family, my country, and for this world. With regards to America getting past these dangerous times.. it is simple. REALLY SIMPLE.. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 So SIMPLE.. if we had a repentant heart. There is lies the challenge, and should be our prayer.  So God bless America, and his people to love and serve Him, and others as He intends. May the faith of our nation become as stereotypical American loud and bold in our words and actions honoring the ONE TRUE GOD. Happy 4th Blessings! Jeff 7/3/2020 Speck on a Blue Ball (rr) I have this prayer prep that I recently turn to when my mind is busy and unfocused. I slow my mind to take a glimpse of my significance. Specifically, I am a speck on a blue ball (Earth) that spins at 1000 mph orbiting around our sun in our Solar System of 8 (or 9) planets, which is one of countess galaxies in our infinite Universe. .. AND this existence.. my existence is just a microscopic blip on the timeline of .. eternity! So while I admit I should lose like 25 pounds I also am feeling very small. Then to think of the intricacies of the human body, the human condition, that I have a free will, and I believe a His spirit makes me a very special speck on this blue dot.  While I attempt to grasp this perspective of significance.. I pray Psalms 8:4 Who am I that you are mindful of me? .. and I am in awe of creation and more importantly our creator and His inexplicable love for each of us. Better yet, y'all best read all of Psalms 8 Now .. I am ready to pray as the world slows down.. I am an awe of God, and thankful for this day (even the bad ones), and pray that my life, my family, my friends, church, community, state, nation, and world come to realize the significance, purpose, and place as their own speck like roles on this blue dot. Love God, love others (less social media).. and all glory to God on this day! Cuz ya know, the rest is trivia by comparison. Blessings! Jeff (A Big Speck) Larson
7/2/2020 The Return of THIN ICE In my collection of cartoon topics I have boldly cartooned where man should not cartoon.. the topics of dating and marriage. Ok maybe boldly is not the right word .. maybe I foolishly cartoon to a land of THIN ICE. So walk with me today, but tread lightly because.. HELLO.. the ice is THIN... the water is COLD.. and you will go DOWN. THIN ICE is found.. where a man.. 1. Speaks words he should not speak, 2. Does things or does not do things he should or should not do, and/or 3. Thinks things he should not think. SHE WILL KNOW!  You may say well that is confusing. What I say or don't say.. what I do or don't do, and even what I think could put me THIN ICE? Of course for all men who are in or have been in a relationship with a woman you know the answer is YES, but you may not always know how you got there until you hear the ice cracking. Even after being married almost 36 years I still find ways to test for thin ice. Sometimes this is by mistake as 'who can understand the mind of the fairer sex'. side note: Why are women called the fairer sex when guys continue to get in trouble without a definitive list of dos & don'ts, say & don't say.. and thinks. I mean, guys who play sports know the rules, so why isn't that way in marriage? - end of side note -  But back to being married almost 36 years. There are other times where I test the ice and even intentionally step out further on the ice.. knowing it is thin but having a bit of RUSH testing it out. I think I like the feeling of living dangerously.. You know, see how far I can go. But I would not advise this to any man in the first 20 years of marriage .. this is simply too risky. Correction, do not test thin ice in the first 30 years.. ok, don't test it at all, only test thin ice if you consider yourself a professional LIKE ME. It matters not if you are a slender 125 pound fella or a ' big boned' 350 pounds..Both men and all men of all shapes and sizes know.. THE ICE IS THIN & UNFORGIVING. There, I have exhausted my words so let me finish out today's blog with a few illustrations. You know they say a picture is worth 1,000 words. So a cartoon should be worth 250-500 words by my estimate.
For more examples of Man Dancing on Thin Ice.. visit my Dating & Marriage page where life imitates art... or is it cartoon imitates life. May God bless and use each of you today in ways that are beyond your dreams.. even if you wander on THIN ICE. Jeff 7/1/2020 Prayer.. What if? If MILK does a BODY good, then.. PRAYER does a CHURCH BODY good. President Harry S. Truman proclaimed a National Day of Prayer to be observed on July 4, 1952. Each year since that date, Americans have observed the day in their own way. The observance moved to the first Thursday in May by President Ronald Reagan and has been proclaimed each year since, and so this year, May 7th 2020 was the National Day of Prayer. OK, (IF) we believe prayer is powerful and (IF) we prayed for our nation.. why is our nation is such a mess.  A few weeks ago as our Country and this world continued to implode over all things Corona-19 and Race related and where any resemblance of truth was blinded by a cocktail of panic & blind rage I received a social media request to pray for our nation every night at 8PM. My wife and I have been mostly faithful to praying for our nation since then, but to be honest I have missed a few times. With this request in mind.. What if each of us prayed for our nation and the world everyday. Many of you I am sure do, but I am sure many others of us do not. What if we asked God to show America mercy as we are in many ways so far from His will., What if we prayed for those we do not honestly like nor their politics, hidden agendas, and religious beliefs that conflict with our 'Christian' sensibilities. What if we prayed for (not at) those caught up lifestyles contrary to God's will. What if we prayed for all these things rather than just complain to God about those less 'enlightened' than ourselves. What if? and if not What if?.. then Why not? As I continue this blog I find the prefect reminder of who am I when I pray and who I pray to in the lyrics from the song Who Am I by the group Casting Crowns. click here to listen to song-> WHO AM I Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt? Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart? Not because of who I am But because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done But because of who You are. CHORUS: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling. Lord, You catch me when I’m falling. And You’ve told me who I am. I am Yours, I am Yours. Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again? Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me? Not because of who I am But because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done But because of who You are. CHORUS: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling. Lord, You catch me when I’m falling. And You’ve told me who I am. I am Yours, I am Yours. Not because of who I am But because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done But because of who You are. CHORUS: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling. Lord, You catch me when I’m falling. And You’ve told me who I am. I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? ‘Cause I am Yours, I am Yours.  Think about it, Prayer is access to God. If you believe this, then this is the time we collectively say.. "WO!" So please let's not reduce prayer into a hocus-pocus moment, making wishes to a Genie in a Lamp, or reduce it to casual words spoken quickly before an evening meal or in moments of desperation. Instead follow the instructions of Jesus on how to pray.. “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, (GREAT IS OUR GOD) your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. (YOUR WILL NOT MINE) Give us today our daily bread. (PLEASE MEET OUR NEEDS) And forgive us our debts, (FORGIVE ME) as we also have forgiven our debtors. (FORGIVE OTHERS) And lead us not into temptation, (STAY FROM TEMPTATION) but deliver us from the evil one.’ (PROTECTION) Pray knowing who God is, and who we are to Him. Pray humbly for mercy for the people in this nation and world and for revival. Too busy to pray?.. I sometimes think this as my busy mind in this busy society overwhelms my thoughts, BUT how long does it take to just say the Lord' Prayer which outlines perfectly all things we daily need to pray for. 1. Honoring God 2. God's Will 3. Sharing our needs 4. Forgiveness 5. Deliverance from Temptation and Evil Then after I say amen I can feel peace. PEACE BE STILL.. are the words Jesus used to calm the sea, and PEACE BE STILL is the challenge for all of us when life is raging like a stormy sea.  What if.. we prayed the Lord's Prayer Daily and not as a rote process but instead meaning each part? I believe it would CHANGE THE WORLD. I have featured a cartoon of a business meeting in Hell where there is great concern regarding Hell's lack of influence when faced with Christians praying. This is a ScrewTape letters sorta image that I believe captures the true (too often untapped) power of prayer. Everyone of us have challenges, stress, loneliness, sadness, tragedy, debt, sickness, and/or death that greet us daily. This is a fallen world and I know for myself I make this worse as like Peter I take my eyes off Jesus and focus on the problems (the raging sea) of my day.  But no matter your circumstance, know that our prayers are heard by a God who loves us, and wants what is best for us like the PERFECT father that He is.
One last reminder.. let’s be as the Bible teaches in an attitude of prayer. Pray without ceasing.. meaning we communicate with God throughout our day. This type of prayer should be the natural communication of thanksgiving & praise, repentance, for protection & guidance, and the desires of my heart. Flowery lofty language is not needed, but instead honest ongoing communication about our worries, doubts, and dreams with our loving God. Blessings (PRAYING in the Back Pew) Larson 6/30/2020 Warrior.. or Tin Man? Being a manly man like I am :) .. I think of myself as a Norwegian William Wallace (aka BraveHeart), or the Minnesotan Gladiator Larsonus Maxamus.. doncha-know… or maybe just Ole the Goalie all geared up for any of Satan's slap shots. BUT my gut check tells me I am more of a WARRIOR WORRIER going by the title 'Sir Gasps-Alot'.  As a believer I am called to put on the Full Armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-18 ready for any and all confrontations. BUT a quick assessment of my armor but I find I should accessorize with more than a donut and coffee from the church fellowship center.
 Considering this honest armor assessment am I really prepared to face what today might bring, and if not, then any extracurricular activity like storming the rusty gates of Hell will be out of the question. The good news is I don’t have to be a spiritual version of the ‘Tin Man’ like in the Wizard of Oz. I can be more than conqueror through Christ who is my strength. If I purposefully and intentionally put on the full armor of God I can boldly live out the words of the prophet Dirty Harry.. “Go ahead, make my day”… 
6/28/2020 But I don't want to go to church? DISCLAIMER.. This is just a silly post of a fictitious fella BEFORE all things COVID-19. Since then the Glacial reopening of churches in Minnesota has me willing to attend almost any church just short of those that handle.. SNAKES. IMAGINE there's no COVID .. it's easy if you try.. No SOCIAL DISTANCE restricts us.. No FAUCI sayin' "yer gonna die!" IMAGINE all the people ATTENDING CHURCH today.. You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one I hope some day you'll join us when STREAMING CHURCH is done - John Lennon Worship Band But I digress.. remember a time when all the churches were open. Fundementalists, Catholics, Lutherans, to Pentecostal and everything in between including a few Name it Claim it Prosperity Gospel venues all doin' their Sunday thang. As the drinking phrase goes.. What's your poison? Ok, poison is not a good analogy, but the point is remember a time where you could go ANYWHERE that fits your denominational bent. Ah, the good ol' days where have they gone? So onward and forward I go to days of yesteryear (ok, yestermonth) where some guy (not me) does not want to go to church. His attitude and thoughts are captured below..  I could tell this was going to be a very bad day to go to church. Just getting out of bed was tough enough.. and the Sunday paper was calling my name…. “psst fella, over here… read me!” My Social Media apps are calling too with Sunday morning memes and silly cat pictures.. psst, did you see this one. .. and how else am I going to stay informed if I don't get my news from 'friends' posting on Social Media. AND.. The coffee is brewing, and it called out to me too.. “hey guy, slow down.. it’s Sunday.” So, I listened to the voices.. I grabbed the paper, my smartphone, a BIG cup of coffee.. and I was ready for ..no-action. Now I am a good Christian man, but sometimes as the leader of our family it is important to declare a family day!.. meaning.. we stay home from church so we can spend time together bonding. Ok, ok.. family day is actually code for I WANT TO STAY HOME AND NOT SHOWER UNTIL NOON… drink a pot of coffee, and read the Sunday funnies, and the sports section.  Well I may be the head of the house, BUT my wife wants no part of 'family day'. She wants to leave the comfort of our home and sing with the other blessed saints at our church. Sing? I don’t like to sing, and I know the people I go to church with, and while they are nice people.. SAINTS they AINT. So off we go to church leaving my Sunday morning paper and my coffee at home. “goodbye paper! Goodbye coffee!”… We have often traveled this familiar road to that familiar church with a backseat loaded with our darlin’ children who set the mood by bickering and fighting the whole blessed drive to church… which put me SOOO in the mood to worship. NOT! So here I drive on lamenting a ‘family day’ lost. We arrive at the blessed house of God and are immediately greeted by overzealous handshakers welcoming me like they thought I wanted to be there... instead of drinking coffee with by BFF the Sunday Paper.  In the Fellowship Center they do have coffee.. but it is not STARBUCKS, or even Folgers. I like my coffee strong and black, but my church serves it in the traditional big ALUMINUM DRUM that has been used but not cleaned since the Eisenhower Administration. This is not real coffee, and a couple cups of this brew only makes the service to come only seem more unbearable. After the formalities of church coffee and donut holes we move to church sanctuary. We have no theater seating at our church but instead use traditional wooden (with no pads) church pews where I sit and pray for a sliver free service. The sanctuary is not really so crowded, but I am a big guy, and the ambiance falls short in comfort to sitting in MY living room drinking MY coffee, and reading MY Sunday paper.. in MY PJs!! scratching myself anywhere I itch… BUT I DIGRESS… again!  The Worship Leader at church is a bit over the top, and his Las Vegas flair certainly is noticeable during his rendition of ‘The King is Coming’.. This only serves to bring the ‘worship wonders’ out of the wood work. I don’t sing so ‘goodr’, and my sense of rhythm is that of a badger with back spasms. IT’S NOT PRETTY… But no worry.. we have all the charismaniacs to make up for me… performing for style points again. We have Bullwinkle, the six-shooter, a lady who appears to have WINGS, and then I have to get the seat behind this guy with the plumbers backside with hands raised high. It is like the Worship Circus has come to town.  Even when the people are not hootin’ and hollerin’ they are peculiar.. AND past Sunday mornings have not been free of controversy. Before the 'The Covid' there was the Great Head-Lice Epidemic of 1994. The Cal Ripken of ushers who should have just taken a sick day instead of infecting and grossing out the parishioners one communion Sunday in 1998. AND .. with regards to our church being full of grace.. well NOT to the repeat offenders.  The offering/guilt plate is of course passed which I with a smirk said..”no thanks, I am trying to cut back on giving.” My smirk moves to a cringe at the sight of the preacher as he saunters up to the pulpit… armed only with one lapel microphone and the word of God… both which he seems to overuse. Pastor words and mannerisms are direct, and passionate, but with his zipper accidentally was left wide OPEN that less than holy smirk returns to my face and I PRAY “Dear God please keep me from giggling!” Nothing sounds sillier than a big man giggling at church! So there you have it. I do hope and pray there are jewels in my crown someday when I get to Heaven because on this day.. I WAS AT CHURCH worshiping with the saints when I wanting to be home worshiping God in my own way with my new VR Church System. signed some anonymous guy  Now, I must say again. I am not that guy. In fact I was in church today happy to be worshiping with other believers who while respectful of Covid concerns was open. It was refreshing to be back in church.
America is not back to normal, but I pray we are smart, careful, but unafraid as we gather together as we are commanded by scriptures to do. May God bless you all today even if you resemble the above mentioned anonymous guy. Jeff 6/27/2020 A Woman's Purse I was in our master bathroom where around the bathroom vanity there were 29 separate items.. four of which were mine. I have a razor, toothbrush, deodorant, and toothpaste (the toothpaste I share with my wife).. the rest belong to my bride. Included in the other 25 or so items is a bag of makeup… so in reality the total is much more one sided. BUT.. if I trim my beard and a few whiskers are left around the sink.. the countenance of my bride darkens… but do I ever complain about ‘OUR’ bathroom vanity covered with a cosmetology collective of spray bottles, brushes, lip STUFF, hair dryers and the like?? <pause> Oh wait, I guess I am now.. BUT NOT TO HER FACE… so that does not count.  This brings me to a similar subject .. a ‘WOMAN'S PURSE’. To me this is much like a Magician’s Hat.. where my wife will ask me for example to get her car keys from her purse for her. I cringe as I know THIS WILL NOT BE EASY.. so with my mouth hanging open, and my brow furrowed I look inside into the unending collection of ‘necessities’.. A LADY'S LABYRINTH of no end! Even though her purse is very typical in size.. when you look inside it seems to go on forever. I finally closed my eyes, reached in and pulled out a rabbit, but no car keys. She then smirks, reached in her purse without taking her eyes off me and retrieves her keys with a look that said to me “are you blind?” Another time when looking for a blessed stick of gum I caught a glimpse of what I believe was a secret passage to the Land of Narnia behind her cellphone, tic tacs, and what appeared to be a magnum 44 hand gun.. but I found the gum became distracted and lost sight of this Narnia portal.  Also, there is a third mystery I would like to share..
With my razor, toothbrush, deodorant, and a clean pair of jeans I can be ready for church in less than 15 minutes from shower to starting the car.. while my wife the process is a tad longer.. A REALLY BIG TAD. I mean.. Mary must choose between outfits to wear, and does not use the guy-proven method of preparation which is … wear what is clean OR.. do the quick smell test if we are not sure if that shirt left on the floor the other week is still ok for a little Sunday morning hand raising. Then again, Mary does look and smell better than me... but if it were a race, the safe money is on me. So what is my spiritual message today? <insert refelctive pause here> Maybe if for no other reason man and woman are meant for each other so.. guys don't go to church dressed like the fella in the above picture.. and men are good for woman to.. umm.. to.. umm.. kill protect the fairer sex from mice and spiders? That's all I got, I am drawing a blank. Seriously, may God bless and use each of you today in ways that are beyond your dreams. For you ladies may you find your bathroom vanities whisker free, and your man willing and able to navigate the Estrogen Ocean of your purse without making any comments. Jeff (Survivor on Estrogen Island) Larson |
AuthorThe mutterings on life and faith by cartoonist Jeff Larson Archives
July 2020
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed
|
Back Pew - Draw Close to God
116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING..
|
 |
©2019 Jeff Larson - All Rights Reserved
7/8/2020
0 Comments