Cartoonist/Illustrator - Jeff Larson
Minnesota
 It is time again for New Year's Resolutions. Promises to eat less, exercise more, live on a budget, and simply be a better person. side point: Why is it in a year we don't move on to PHASE II of this year's resolutions and become a nutritionist, cross-fit athlete, financial advisor, and/or become the next Billy Graham? Instead we unabashedly repeat our past failed resolutions. - askin' for a friend - Of course resolutions are mostly 'tweaks' in the lives of mostly good folk. Everyday people who could lose a pound or two, watch less TV, or tweet less... but never hear anyone say they resolve to be involved in less felonies. And it safe to say Hitler, Stalin, and Hannibal Lector were not typical New Years Resolution kind'a guys.  Not a smidge of curbing evil in their resolutions as evil continues to do evil while good folk like you and me tweak our lives with resolutions. But then a serious question.. Why would good folk need a Savior? Sure dictators, serial killers, bank robbers, and IRS agents NEED A SAVIOR after all they are REAL major league sinners. But, most of us are just New Year's Resolutions kinda sinners? I mean, should I go to Hell because I need a 'tweak'... or because I tweet? Truth is I am a sinner, and sorry to inform the rest of you, but you are sinners too. There is no doubt we all need a savior. We are the reason Jesus Christ died on a cross a sinners death in our place.
 I still contend I am not a bad person, and most of what everyone sees of me supports this, BUT you don't know my quiet selfish thoughts played out in subtle selfish ways. You don't know the anger I feel at times, or the little white lies I may convince myself are truth. You do not know my desires, or bitterness, or the pity parties I sometimes throw for myself when I am down. You don't know the wasted moments that have accumulated in my life.. you don't know.. but I know, and God certainly knows. So again, I am not such a bad person.. but I certainly am a sinner, it's just that my sins don't make the evening news... AND I certainly need a savior. So how about you? I am sure most of you are pretty GOOD PEEPS too. You are probably just a couple Resolutions (tweaks) from being GREAT peeps. You may not even admit to as many private attitudes and actions of sins that I do, but.. I will go out on a limb here and say with confidence.. You too need a savior. Let me close with a parable Jesus taught about the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.. 9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed[a] thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14 I do thank God for a life that is good, and for this New Year filled with opportunities. I do resolve this year to lose a few pounds, be more productive, and exercise, and repentant with the prayer of the tax collector.. "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" May God bless all of you GOOD PEEPS this New Year. I pray for God's very best in your lives as you serve Him. I pray His church seeks His will like never before, and that 2021 is a year of resolutions, repentance, and and a revival (the 3 Rs?) that is long over due.
Jeff 12/29/2020 To DIE.. with a 't' To 'DIE' .. with a 'T' on the end Again in 2020 I knew full well over the Christmas holiday I was eating too much, and snacking too often. The cookies, the eggnog, candies, carmels, fudge, etc were all taking their toll on me, so I approached it like any 'good inmate' on death row does. As 2021 approaches, I will eat my last meal before I .. DIE. with T on the end. Sadly, both the inmate on death row, and Jeff must DIE.. T, die-t, ok I will say it all together now DIET. The end has arrived to life as I know it. The Christmas cookies & the fudge .. GONE, no more eggnog, and so the time has come to DIE with a t on the end.  My bathroom scale even whispered to me a scripture paraphrase truth while wincing in pain as I stood on him. "Jeff, do not be conformed to muffin top your jeans: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your body with 'diet' and 'exercise'." Romans 12:2 (BRE)Bathroom Edition It was very much like the donkey who spoke to Balaam in Numbers 22:21-39, but for me it was a bathroom scale that spoke as he lay there prostrate on a linoleum floor near a toilet. In my life a growing bank account balance is welcome, but this growing bathroom scale balance was not.  The good news is I am ready to start eating right, getting fit again, and prayerfully returning to normal with a healthy perspective on food, rest, and exercise. Healthy in mind, body, and spirit is a great goal for each of us to take seriously. At my age I do not aspire to be an athlete, but do aspire to be healthy. Life is better when I am rested, active, eating right, AND taking time to pursue a personal relationship with God. When I am missing any of these life disciplines my total health suffers. May God bless each of you now and in the coming year with health and balance in life.. and I pray some of you are willing to DIE with a T on the end if you find you are a little like me. New Year's Blessings from the Back Pew Jeff DIE (with a T) Hard Larson 12/28/2020 It is really .. A Wonderful Life Even in the year 2020 (the mother of all bad years) the classic It's a Wonderful Life starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed plays on. The story of George Bailey through the assistance of apprentice angel Clarence learns the impact he is unknowingly having on those around him... culminating in George realizing though in a true moment of despair.. HIS LIFE IS WONDERFUL! Just hours before the angelic intervention of Clarence, George Baily is stressed, depressed, desperate, and feeling hopeless to the point of contemplating suicide believing his life has been a waste never accomplishing anything of significance, and the world would not miss him in fact would be better off without him. So he whispers a prayer (while sitting at a bar) .. "If you are out there God, I need your help."  So here I am Jeffrey ( George Baily ) Larson who at times feels a tad stressed and depressed, and at times feeling less than a success. Often I am 'financially challenged', my body aches while wincing in pain from arthritic joints, failing eyesight, a herniated disc or two, and in my case a surgically repaired knee reminding me my physical prime is in my rear view mirror... on the distant horizon. Then, I look in the mirror to see an aging face made for radio, a voice made for blogging, and my gramr & spellin not 'gooderer' than a 4th grader. Then there are times I become oversensitive to what others think of me like a teenage girl with a big ol' honking zit on her nose on prom night. LIFE IS HOPELESS! Ok, per usual I embellish MUCH to make my smirky points. THIS IS A WONDERFUL (dare I say BLESSED) LIFE!
 I know each of our lives have blessings and burdens, and my wonderful life list above may not be real to you, but I pray for each of us that no matter any circumstance we each may face that putting our faith in the creator of the Universe.. should take our breath away. The promise of eternity with Him in Heaven outshines the weight and burdens of this life on Earth.
May God bless each of you with His Spirit to provide perspective that only comes from Him. That we may realize IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE full of hope, and promise. Jeff 12/24/2020 The Christmas Odd Couple Before Felix and Oscar in Neil Simon’s ‘The Odd Couple’ there were the Shepherds and Angels that first Christmas Night. Never has there been a starker contrast between major players in any significant moment in history. Not since Almighty God himself walked through the Garden of Eden with the underdressed for the occassion fig leaf clad Adam & Eve have there been such high society folk mixing with blue collar / red necked joe and joe-ettes.  Think of it… The Angels from the Realms of Glory wing their flight over all the Earth, while the shepherds snack on ‘sheep jerky’ playing pull my finger jokes around the camp fire dressed and smelling like.. sheep. The Angel Choirs sing Hark.. and Glory to the new born king, while The Shepherds are in need of a SHEEP-PS (sheep positioning system) just to find this same baby Jesus.
It's safe to say you probably will not celebrate Christmas this year with a shepherd, or angel. But you may be a Baptist sitting next to a self proclaimed Charismatic 'Holy Roller'. Or you may be a sharp dressed senior in suit & tie toting a leather bound red letter KJV bible sitting next to an unshaven Millennial in ripped jeans (on purpose!) with a bible app on his I-Phone using the MSG version. Come Lord Jesus Come!.. BUT..  the more we change the more we stay the same. Pentecostals, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and more all worshiping the same Jesus those angels and shepherds did 2000+ years ago. Come let us Adore Him! May God bless all you 'odd couples' this Christmas. Jeff  ps - In Minnesota, we have Packer & Viking fans in the same family! Believe me, it is an odd as any couple could be.
12/23/2020 Good Men.. Bad PresentsBeen there, done that. I am 'good people’ who has bought bad presents. So with this Christmas season upon us I write today.. my BP BUYER BEWARE GUIDE!! There are just too many ways to go wrong. As a guy, I am starting to see little flags to BAD PRESENTS, but still at times do not even see them when waving in the wind (hidden) in plain sight. So here are a few tell tale signs of the infamous bad gift. This is not an exact science BUT rather a few good rules of thumb regarding GIFT BUYING DON’T’S.  RULE 1 If it says ‘As Seen on TV’ on the box.. beware! It could be a great deal, but it could be the ROMCO 'Pocket' Food Processor for only $19.99… and if you act now you will receive a free set of steak knives that (as demonstrated in the ad) are so sharp they can cut through a Buick like butter! RULE 2 When buying Jewelry, buying in BULK is a bad idea. I once bought my wife this collection of jewelry ( a special one time offer ) that if all the pieces were linked together you use them as chains on your snow tires. My wife was gracious, but.. it is a point of amusement for her today. RULE 3 A personal gift for your bride should not be manufactured by Black & Decker. Who knew? -- > -- >  RULE 4 Diet, Exercise, Weight Loss, or Hair Removal products no matter how much any are needed are cautionary purchases from husbands to wives. RULE 5 Bad presents go both ways.. so don’t you ladies think everything you buy is a gem. Don’t confuse needed with wanted (ie Beano). We guys have feelings too… PULL MY FINGER. Well so there you have it. Another season of shopping moments of adventure and misadventure are just waiting to happen.  In the end, it is the thought that counts, BUT.. a good present is really nifty too... and should be considered a good thought that counts.. Now let's all repeat together the BP Shoppers Prayer.. Oh Lord, grant us SHOPPING MERCIES and DISCERNMENT led by your Spirit. Amen, and amen! Remember: When it comes to Christmas present buying, there never were 3 wise-men, only three guys at best.. winging it. May God bless your day, and Christmas season where presents received and given with proper perspective when compared to celebrating the birth of Jesus. May we slow our minds and warm our hearts to this amazing time of year. May God bless us all with the peace that passes all understanding even IF your husband's gift to you boggles the mind and screams.. "He did not go to anywhere near Jared's".
Jeff 12/22/2020 Christmas Conflicted Ohhh.. you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to Town, He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out whose naughty or nice.. Santa Claus is coming to Town, He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake ... In these lyrics from Santa Claus is Coming to Town I find a few amusing spiritual parallels. Santa knows who is good or bad, and will deliver presents accordingly. He also does these deliveries all in one night (dare I say like a thief in the night) giving the appearance of being omnipresent. Of course Santa is just holiday fun while God alone is truly omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. There should be no confusion regarding Christmas.
 I pray you all can embrace Santa (but not Frosty he's too cold), the presents, and the secular festivities as they fit around family, church, with the birth of Jesus as the center this Christmas season. May God bless and use each of you this Christmas season in ways that are beyond your dreams. Jeff ( Ho Ho Ho ) Larson Next week after a little egg nog and gingerbread cookies join me as I share the parallels between Rudolph the Red Nosed Reign Deer guiding the delivery of Christmas gifts from Santa with The Holy Spirit guiding us to our Spiritual Gifts from God. <insert awkward eye roll here>.
12/21/2020 Mistletoe Mayhem! Mistletoe Mayhem? I wonder if that first Christmas there was any mistletoe growing wild by the stable where Jesus was born. Probably not, but today's Christmas season has parties, homes, and offices decorated with Christmas trees, garland, and maybe a chunk-a-hunk-a-burnin-love-mistletoe in a doorway or two.  Each year in the Larson home we do hang our very own little plastic mistletoe in a doorway as part of our Christmas decorations though not much kissing goes on.. that I am aware of. I don’t know much about Mistletoe except that if you wander under it with someone else you should kiss... RISKY BUSINESS for sure. So without further delay let me share a few 'risky mistletoe moments' from a Back Pew perspective. 
 With these images now implanted in your brains let me conclude the following mistletoe advice shared in the lyrics by Stephen Stills. And if you can't be with the one you love, honey Love the one you're with! Hmmm.. These sentiments seem like a 'progressive' paraphrase of Song of Solomon. Yikes!  With regards to mistletoe kiss and love they are NOT to be shared with just willy nilly.
BUT I DIGRESS! Merry Christmas wishes.. and mistletoe kisses?.. from The Back Pew
Jeff 12/20/2020 12 Days of (a Back Pew) ChristmasI am not sure of the background to the Festive Christmas carol 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' but I believe today I will share 12 Days of Christmas in the Back Pew. So without further delay let me present for your 'cringing' pleasure..  The 12 Days of Christmas in the BP. On the 1st day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 2nd day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas trees.  On the 3rd day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 4th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Four SUPER BOWLS Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and a dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 5th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS!, Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 6th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS! Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 7th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Seven cows a mooing, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS! Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 8th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Eight months of winter Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS! Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing , Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS! , Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and ..A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 10th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Ten Commandments keeping, Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved, Four SUPER BOWLS! Three WiseMen, , Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 11th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Eleven sheep a.. BAAAing, Ten Commandments Keeping, Nine lives a livin’ Eight months a-snowing , Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved Four SUPER BOWLS! , Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and, A dog chewing Christmas lights.  On the 12th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Twelve Spies a Spying, Eleven sheep a.. BAAAing, Ten Commandments Keeping, Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, Five Snowmen Saved, Four SUPER BOWLS! Three WiseMen, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas lights. I pray that this Christmas season is a great time with family, friends, and church celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.
Christmas Blessings Jeff  Like an ugly ornament that I cannot bear to throw away so is my retelling of a Christmas Concert from a few years back. (It's kind of like the year 2020, UGLY but never forgotten) In December of 2007 my wife and I went on a Christmas date to get the season started off right, but it did not end up like anything 'dreamed of' by Bing Crosby singing White Christmas.  We started the evening off with a nice dinner at a local steak house in front of a roaring (gas/fake) fireplace as the weather outside was as the Christmas classic described accurately as frightful. More specifically it was very COLD. After dinner we were off to downtown Minneapolis to the Pantages Theatre to listen to an A Cappella group called the Blenders for their Christmas concert. note: I am not an A Capella kinda guy normally, but I got the tickets for free from my cousin.. and I AM a free tickets kinda guy so I thought I would go where the cool kids go... or something like that.  Gentlemen.. start your engines! As we approach downtown we soon learn parking on a Friday night during the holiday season would not be a picnic. There was a Christmas parade in progress near the theater so we began driving in a slow moving car conga line consisting of a series of one-way right hand turns for about 30 minutes resulting in us parking about 5 city blocks from the theater. Like a slower colder version of NASCAR without a winner. Once parked we began our Frozen Mecca to the Pantages Theater where the air temp was about 2 below zero and wind chill 14 below.  It was Minnesota Fresh! Oh by the way we were walking into this wind not with it. To complicate things for poor little ol me I was not wearing a hat, and my coat was was not a great coat for MinneFROZEta. Along our walk we passed by several downtown establishments. One was a gay bar and then we passed a club advertising topless girls, with the words.. hot, hot, hot over the topless ad. Now this is where I was tempted.. not to see topless girls.. but I asked my wife since they were hot maybe we could go in for a moment and warm ourselves by their heat.  Ok, honestly there was no temptation here for me, just an excuse for me to share another bad pun with my wife so she could roll her now frozen eyes at me. Pantages at last! We finally arrive about 15 minutes before the concert began. Shivering and frozen we bought a $3 cup of coffee from the cash bar in the lobby which my wife and I took turns holding it to keep warm. When another couple entered the theater and sat next to us visibly cold too, I offered to let them hold my coffee for $1 apiece. They both laughed, but I did not see what was so funny.  It's SHOWTIME.. So inside we go and the concert begins. The Blenders are very good but for me, one evening with an A Cappella group will be enough... enough for my lifetime. The Blenders are 4 guys I would guess their mid to late 30s in suits with choreographed movements like four Caucasian Temptations. To add to the atmosphere there was a group of well dressed professionals filling a large block of seats just in front of us. I am guessing they were part of a company holiday party dressed up in suits and dresses. They were kind of loud 'notice me types', which is .. not my type. Then during intermission they all stood in front of my wife making FULL use of the cash bar in the lobby and there was also one young good looking guy passing a flask with something that I am pretty sure was stronger than 7-Up. After two hours of listening to an A Capella Christmas, were retraced to our frozen steps to our car and then headed back to our warm home free of anyone in my living room passing a flask and standing in front of my TV. So to sum it all up .. We had dinner in front of a fake fire, participated in downtown traffic jams, crowded parking ramps, snow, ice, passed by topless & gay bars, all to sit behind loud drinking young professionals while being entertained by .. Minnesota Night and the Pips?  The next night.. was more low key Larson type of Christmas which we spent with our son Nate and his then girlfriend Kendra, and our daughter Erin. We listened to Christmas music, made gingerbread cookies, and played the protestant approved card game.. Rook. It was a great evening which included a mini-fight with flour while making cookies.
IF by chance anyone from that corporate America party who 'LOUDLY' sat in front of me at the Pantages Theater in 2007 I am sorry you missed out on my great Saturday night making cookies with family. Then again the risk of flour finger prints on your $500 suits, and the probability of gingerbread crumbs falling into the cleavage (front or back) of your black backless & low cut dresses without a flask in sight would not be who all would call fun. Merry Christmas Blessings. May your family times be warm and.. A Capella free! Jeff 12/15/2020 Christmas and the F word? First of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS wishes to all of you. My prayer is that this is a Christmas where the use of the ‘F-word’ was freely spoken. Of course NOT the ‘F-word’ our post modern culture likes to use the all purpose adjective, BUT RATHER.. family, friends, and faith. But for me I recall just 7 days before Christmas day in 2009 I endured with an evening of ‘Bah Humbug-ness’ with my wife towards each other that if not for this being a Christian newsletter would be called a fight (the other F-word). What’s that you say you NEVER have 'disagreements' with your spouse? <pause> well try selling that line to Santa. You see in a Christian email I should not admit to using the F-word (fight) unless talking about fighting the good fight, and NEVER regarding fighting with my wife. We .. simply had a disagreement. Nah.. it was a fight. Just 8 days before we celebrated in 2009‘ Joy to the World, the Lord has come’, there was no ‘Peace on Earth or good will to ME’ as my wife Mary and I did not like each other very much. The good news is that we can’t stay mad at each other long, and after our disagreeable evening ‘aka fight’ we actually after now 36 years of marriage have a better understanding of each other. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Of course to avoid throwing gasoline on another potential marital insensitivity fire ‘aka fight’ let me clarify.. In this analogy I WOULD BE THE OLD DOG, and my wife would be anyone else BUT NOT AN OLD DOG… I think she would prefer to be the OLD DOG’S MASTER…and she is.. but I digress..  So while I don’t recall the biblical recording of many marital frowns ‘aka fights’ I am sure they were as real a part of life then as they are now. The only glaring difference is a man in Bible days could go hang out with his sheep without being texted by the little Mrs. to get home and take out the garbage. It was no accident that God created men and women so different. Our emotional wiring and sensitivity differences are intended by God to make married couples better. This truth is not very comforting for those moments when the light at the end of the life’s tunnel is your wife driving a Mack Truck bearing down on you while you stare like a deer in head lights wondering what you did now in your manly insensitive ways that is about to make you marital road kill. Of course I am figuratively speaking, and if you find this Mack Truck analogy literal, then you are married to an over the road trucker..  Marriage bumps ‘aka fights’ will happen but as another Christmas approaches I am so thankful for my family and my wonderful wife. As you can tell I love to joke, and banter, and good natured tease my bride, but she is my best friend... and allows me to sleep inside when I am good. kidding, kidding again.
May God bless each of you this Christmas. I pray any stress, pace, or F-word (fighting) moments fade in the presence of the F-words (family, friends, and faith ) as you celebrate Christ’s birth. Jeff |
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Back Pew - Draw Close to God
My Book- 116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING.
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12/31/2020
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