Cartoonist/Illustrator - Jeff Larson
Minnesota
 Been there, done that. I am a 'good people’ who have bought bad presents. There are just too many ways to go wrong. As a guy, I should see little flags to BAD PRESENTS, but still at times do not even recognize them while waving in the wind (hidden) in plain sight. So here are a few telltale signs of the infamous bad gift. This is not an exact science BUT I still hope you find this helpful even if it is too late this year. RULE 1 If it says ‘As Seen on TV’ on the box.. beware! It could be a great deal, but it could be the ROMCO 'Pocket' Food Processor for only $19.99… and if you act now you will receive a free set of steak knives that (as demonstrated in the ad) are so sharp they can cut through a Buick like butter! RULE 2 When buying Jewelry, buying in BULK is a bad idea. I once bought my wife this collection of jewelry ( a special one-time offer ) that if all the pieces were linked together you use them as chains on your snow tires. My wife was gracious, but.. it is a point of amusement for her today.  RULE 3 A personal gift for your bride should not be manufactured by Black & Decker. Who knew? RULE 4 Diet, Exercise, Weight Loss, Gym Memberships, or Hair Removal products no matter how much any are needed are cautionary purchases from husbands to wives. RULE 5 Bad presents go both ways... so don’t you ladies think everything you buy is a gem. Don’t confuse needed with wanted (ie Beano). We guys have feelings too… PULL MY FINGER.  Well, so there you have it. Another season of shopping moments of adventure and misadventure is over but it is never too late to learn from this year.
In the end, it is the thought that counts, BUT.. a good present are really nifty too... and should be considered a good thought that counts... Now let's all repeat together the BP Shoppers Prayer... Oh Lord, grant us SHOPPING MERCIES and DISCERNMENT led by your Spirit. Amen, and amen! May God bless your day, and Christmas season where presents are received and given with proper perspective when compared to celebrating the birth of Jesus. May we slow our minds and warm our hearts to this amazing time of year. May God bless us all with the peace that passes all understanding even IF your husband's gift to you boggles the mind and screams. "He did not go anywhere near Jareds". Jeff 12/24/2022 Our Christmas 'Odd Couple' Before Felix and Oscar in Neil Simon’s ‘The Odd Couple,’ there were the Shepherds and Angels that first Christmas Night. Never has there been a starker contrast between major players in any significant moment in history. Not since Almighty God himself walked through the Garden of Eden with the underdressed for the occasion fig leaf-clad Adam & Eve have there been such high society folk mixing with blue-collar / red-necked joe and joe-ettes.  Think of it… The Angels from the Realms of Glory wing their flight over all the Earth, while the shepherds snack on ‘sheep jerky’ playing pull-my-finger jokes around the campfire dressed and smelling like.. sheep. The Angel Choirs sing Hark.. and Glory to the newborn king, while... The Shepherds require a SHEEP-PS (sheep positioning system) just to find this same baby Jesus.
It's safe to say you probably will not celebrate Christmas this year with a shepherd, or angel. But you may be a Baptist sitting next to a self-proclaimed Charismatic 'Holy Roller'. Or you may be a sharp-dressed senior in a suit & tie toting a leather-bound red letter KJV bible sitting next to an unshaven Millennial in ripped jeans (on purpose!) with a bible app on his iPhone using the MSG paraphrase. Come Lord Jesus Come!... BUT...  the more we are different the more we are the same. Pentecostals, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and more all worshiping the same Jesus those angels and shepherds did 2000+ years ago. Come let us Adore Him! May God bless all you 'odd couples' this Christmas. Jeff 12/23/2022 Another 12 Days of ChristmasI am not sure of the background to the Festive Christmas carol 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' but I believe today I will share 12 Days of Christmas in the Back Pew. So without further delay let me present for your 'cringing' pleasure..  The 12 Days of Christmas in the BP On the 1st day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 2nd day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 3rd day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 4th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Four SUPER BOWLS Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 5th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS!, Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 6th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS! Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 7th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Seven cows a mooing, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS! Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 8th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Eight months of winter Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS! Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing , Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS! , Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and .. A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 10th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Ten Commandments keeping, Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED..., Four SUPER BOWLS! Three Wise Men, , Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 11th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Eleven sheep a.. BAAAing, Ten Commandments Keeping, Nine lives a livin’ Eight months a-snowing , Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED... Four SUPER BOWLS! , Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and, A dog chewing Christmas tree lights.  On the 12th day of Christmas, The Back Pew sent to me Twelve Spies a Spying, Eleven sheep a.. BAAAing, Ten Commandments Keeping, Nine lives a livin’, Eight months a-snowing Seven cows a MOOING, Six Shooter Worship?, FIVE SNOWMEN SAVED..., Four SUPER BOWLS! Three Wise Men, Two eyes rolled, and A dog chewing Christmas tree lights. So there you have it,, The 12 Days of Christmas in the Back Pew. Beyond this silliness I pray that this Christmas season is a great time with family, friends, and church celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Christmas Blessings Jeff (done singing now) Larson 12/21/2022 Santa... a closer look Ohhh.. you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why... Santa Claus is coming to Town, He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice... Santa Claus is coming to Town, He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake... Soooo... who is this Santa really? Today, the Back Pew investigates Santa, the man, the myth, the legend, or... maybe a 'space alien'!  Of course, the last couple of years many were singing Dr. Faucci is locking you down. He (Faucci) hears you when you're sneezing, he knows when you are unmasked, he knows if you've been vaxxed or not so get jabbed (and boosted) for CDC's sake. These were unsettling years where the CDC and the WHO implied ...SANTA WAS SUPERSPREADER! but now thankfully we know better... and Santa is now off Faucci's Naughty List  So back to ... Santa Claus is Coming to Town. 1. Santa knows who is good or bad, and will deliver presents accordingly. Omniscient? Omnipotent? 2. He delivers all the world's Christmas presents in one night giving the illusion of being Omnipresent! Of course, after further in-depth investigation including 'Wikipedia' Santa is only holiday fun while only God is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. Leaving Santa as a jolly old Christmas elf who is nimble on his feet doing his best work at night. Not a bad guy at all, but not the Savior of the world.  So with is in mind, I pray you all can embrace the fun tradition of Santa (but not Frosty he's very COLD). Enjoy giving and receiving presents, decorating a tree, and even mistletoe (but in moderation). I also pray this fun is fit around the family, and church with the birth of Jesus at the center this Christmas season. The birth of Christ is the beginning of God's Salvation Story. May God bless and use each of you this Christmas season in ways that are beyond your dreams. Jeff ( Ho Ho Ho ) Larson Maybe Soon... while on an eggnog and gingerbread cookie high I will share the parallels between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reign Deer guiding Santa Sleigh in a snow storm AND... the Holy Spirit guiding us through the storms in our lives.
maybe... maybe not 12/17/2022 The Northwoods Christmas AngelI try and share this important story every Christmas season  aka The Northwoods Good Samaritan of 2001. This is a story near and dear to my heart that I like to share most every December. THIS WAS NOW 21 YEARS AGO! Back in the December of 2001 on the roads of ice and snow near Hayward Wisconsin a young mom with her preschool children loaded in the family car was heading home to the nearby town of Drummond when along the road she spots an older man with the hood up on his car. This was a typical bitter cold December day, but though she has her young children with her she is impressed to stop and see if she can help. As she pulls over the old man approaches her car. She cautiously locks her doors and rolls down her window slightly to ask if she can help. The old man does not speak, tries to open the door, then reaches inside his coat.. making her all the more uneasy. The old man pulls out a small keyboard from his jacket and plays a pre-typed short message explaining he has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) so he can not speak. He then types needs a ride into town. The young woman opens her car to the old man she does not know and drives him home. This old man was my father Walter Larson, and the young woman was Jen Herricks, and Jen was the Good Samaritan of Northern Wisconsin 2001. I wonder how many cars drove by before Jen stopped to help. How many macho Northwoods guys in their 4x4 trucks drove by too busy to help an old man stranded on a bitterly cold winter day? Maybe none, but maybe too many. But no matter, my dad was cared for by someone with a family car and a kind heart.  Jen later explained to my mom that she thought my dad was an angel. There are a few explanations for this observation but no one before this had described my dad as an angel. A good guy for sure, but an angel? .. hmmm. Not so much. Maybe an angel was standing alongside my dad that cold December day or the peace dad demonstrated just months before passing on to Heaven. Either way today was certainly a divine appointment with an angel named Jen. I love the gospel passage Mt 25:35-40ish “You fed me when I was hungry, you clothed me when I was naked.” Well if the gospels were written today they would also say “you gave me a ride when I was an old man when my car broke down on a winter road in Wisconsin. For when you do these things for the least of my people, you do it for me.” So Jen gives my dad a ride home. He offers her money, she refuses, and they go their separate ways. NICE STORY, BUT IT IS NOT OVER!. A few weeks later my folks receive a Christmas card from Jen wishing and praying the best for them. This was a nice touch too, but... THE STORY IS NOT OVER! My dad passed away from his battle with ALS just a couple short months after their December encounter. The funeral was a celebration of the good man my dad was, and his reward in Heaven. 'Irony' or providence has it Jen and her family began attending my mom & dad's church in Cable Wisconsin still not realizing the connection. After a short period, it became clear to Jen that my mom attends this same church.. and so Jen contacts my mom. This began a friendship that continued until my mom passed away in December 2016.. 15 YEARS later. This friendship continued after Jen's family moved 70 miles away, and my mom later moved 150 miles to the Twin Cities. I mean, c'mon this took this good Samaritan thing too far... they must have actually become close friends. Correction they were the best of friends. When Jen came to visit my mom it is with hugs and kisses that are reserved normally for family. Her kids called her Grandma Nell, and many of the trips included sleepovers in my mom's little apartment This friendship God has provided Jen those 15 years with my mom as a ‘seasoned’ Christian woman to talk and confide in. My mom as I mentioned passed away in December 2016, but you can not take away the blessing of that God-orchestrated ride 15 years earlier for my dad, or the wonderful friendship over the next 15 for my mom and for Jen. God is good even through tough times.  BUT IT IS NOT OVER!. Jen and her husband Todd now serve the Lord in Uganda working with a ministry called 'Woven2gether' serving expecting mothers valuing the born and unborn, and becoming strong families while sharing the Gospel. Thank you, Jen & Todd. May God bless and use you both in ways that are beyond your dreams. So as Christmas approaches, please take time to slow down and notice the angel appointments in your life. Blessings Jeff  one last BUT IT'S NOT OVER... This December, Jen & Todd adopted Caleb Kica HERRICKS! It’s officIal!
We want to thank everyone who supported our journey and have loved Caleb both near and far. God says prefect religion is this that we care for (bring into our home) the widows and orphans. We are so blessed to call Caleb our son officially. God has moved mountains along the way to bring him to us permanently. We are so blessed that he chose us to be his parents. Thank you to those of you who prayed with us and guided us and took the time to talk with us and encourage us in the process. Your heart and stories completely impacted ours. We are grateful for this part to be accomplished. We now have to work towards his medical visa to address his diagnosis of craniosynotosis. God will make a way. Caleb Kica we love you. We declare over you that you will love God all the days of your life. That you will serve Him And glorify Him throughout your days. You will love God even if no one else does. You will not stop seeking the kingdom of God until you get your full inheritance of what God has promised you. In Jesus name. As Caleb says best, Amen! - Jen and I am sure as I end this blog.. THIS STORY IS NOT OVER  Like an ugly ornament that I cannot bear to throw away so is my retelling of a Christmas Concert from a few years back. (It's kind of like the year 2020, UGLY but never forgotten) In December of 2007 my wife and I went on a Christmas date to get the season started off right, but it did not end up like anything 'dreamed of' by Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. We started the evening off with a nice dinner at a local steak house in front of a roaring (gas/fake) fireplace as the weather outside was as the Christmas classic described accurately as frightful. More specifically it was very COLD. After dinner, we were off to downtown Minneapolis to the Pantages Theatre to listen to an A Cappella group called the Blenders for their Christmas concert. note: I am not an A Capella kinda guy normally, but I got the tickets for free from my cousin.. and I AM a free tickets kinda guy so I thought I would go where the cool kids go... or something like that.  Gentlemen.. start your engines! As we approach downtown we soon learn parking on a Friday night during the holiday season would not be a picnic. There was a Christmas parade in progress near the theater so we began driving in a slow-moving car conga line consisting of a series of one-way right-hand turns for about 30 minutes resulting in us parking about 5 city blocks from the theater. Like a slower colder version of NASCAR without a winner. Once parked we began our Frozen Mecca to the Pantages Theater where the air temp was about 2 below zero and the wind chill 14 below. It was Minnesota Fresh! Oh by the way we were walking into this wind, not with it. To complicate things for poor little old me I was not wearing a hat, and my coat was not a great coat for MinneFROZEta.  Along our walk, we passed by several downtown establishments. One was a gay bar and then we passed a club advertising topless girls, with the words.. hot, hot, hot over the topless ad. Now, this is where I was tempted.. not to see topless girls.. but I asked my wife since they were hot maybe we could go in for a moment and warm ourselves with their heat. Ok, honestly there was no temptation here for me, just an excuse for me to share another bad pun with my wife so she could roll her now frozen eyes at me. Pantages at last! We finally arrive about 15 minutes before the concert began. Shivering and frozen we bought a $3 cup of coffee from the cash bar in the lobby which my wife and I took turns holding it to keep warm. When another couple entered the theater and sat next to us visibly cold too, I offered to let them hold my coffee for $1 apiece. They both laughed, but I did not see what was so funny.  It's SHOWTIME. So inside we go and the concert begins. The Blenders are very good but for me, one evening with an A Cappella group will be enough... for my lifetime. The Blenders are 4 guys I would guess their mid to late 30s in suits with choreographed movements like four Caucasian Temptations crooning Christmas songs minus Jesus. To add to the atmosphere there was a group of well-dressed professionals filling a large block of seats just in front of us. I am guessing they were part of a company holiday party dressed up in suits and dresses. They were kind of loud 'notice me types', which is .. not my type. Then during intermission, they all stood in front of my wife making FULL use of the cash bar in the lobby and there was also one young good looking guy passing a flask with something that I am pretty sure was stronger than 7-Up. After two hours of listening to an A Capella Christmas, we retraced our frozen steps to our car and then headed back to our warm home free of anyone in my living room passing a flask and standing in front of my TV. So to sum it all up. We had dinner in front of a fake fire, participated in downtown traffic jams, crowded parking ramps, snow, and ice, and passed by topless & gay bars, all to sit behind loud-drinking young professionals while being entertained by ... Minnesota Night and the Pips?  The next night... was a more low-key Larson type of Christmas which we spent with our son Nate and his then-girlfriend Kendra, and our daughter Erin. We listened to Christmas music, made gingerbread cookies, and played the protestant approved card game. Rook. It was a great evening which included a mini-fight with flour while making cookies.
And... for anyone by chance from that corporate America party who 'LOUDLY' sat in front of me at the Pantages Theater in 2007 I am sorry you missed out on my great Saturday night making cookies with my family. Then again the risk of flour fingerprints on your $500 suits, and the probability of gingerbread crumbs falling into the cleavage (front or back) of your black backless & low-cut dresses without a flask in sight would not be what all would call fun. Merry Christmas Blessings. May your family times be warm and... A Capella free! Jeff 12/9/2022 My Dog ALMOST ate Baby Jesusnote: It is my Christmas tradition to retell this story most every year. It is like watching a Charlie Brown Christmas, or It's a Wonderful Life.. for dogs. Dateline December 2004: My wife Mary and I have several nativity sets we put on display each Christmas season. The year 2004 was a Christmas season like most all the others, EXCEPT our year-and-a-half-old dog Baylie (Husky Springer Spaniel mix) still liked to chew on things that were not her designated chew toys. One of those items is my kneaded eraser, which I use when drawing my cartoons, which looks like a lump of clay. Baylie would sneak it off my desk, chew it up but never swallow it. Leaving a mangled pile of eraser fragments on the family room floor. I push the crumbs back together and continue to use it. I know, I know... Ewwwww!! But she cleans the pencil lead out of it and dog drool seems to be an active agent in making the eraser .. erase. Now in the year 2022 my dog, Cooper does the same thing! BUT I DIGRESS.  Back to the Larson Nativity sets. One afternoon in December 2004 my wife and I came home to what looked like a Nativity Mob Kill scene. The wooden cart from the stable was in pieces, a shepherd laying face down on the coffee table, and a baby sheep took a fall off the table and onto the living room carpet. I can’t imagine the horror in eyes of the 3 wise men who traveled so far only to see Baylie walk off with Baby Jesus in the clutches of her jaw. The question remained why?
 Good News: A short time later the 'baby Jesus' hostage crisis was over. The son of God in ceramic form was returned to his ceramic parents Mary & Joseph who were beside themselves with worry. Baylie was thankful God did not strike her with lightning which was within His right. I mean,... He is God.
But.. just a couple weeks later Baylie was shocked (literally) when she chewed the lights on our Christmas tree. Coincidence? I think not. Moral of the story. If you really love Jesus don’t risk God revoking your ticket to Heaven just because your nativity sets are low enough for Baby Jesus to be mauled by the family dog. AND.. just like Baylie could not get Jesus in her heart by eating a figurine, neither can any of us have Jesus in our hearts just by going to church. May this Christmas be a peaceful season of adoration and personal faith where Jesus is in our hearts, not just our nativity sets. Christmas Blessings Jeff 12/2/2022 GET OUT OF TOWN! A Christmas Story Often the coffee maker in the workplace is the common place for socializing. While pouring a cup of caffeinated fuel there is talk about the big football game on Sunday, sharing vacation plans, some are brave enough to discuss politics and/or religion and have lived to tell the tale. In the same way, the coffee maker at church is a place where friends catch up on each other's lives while a few may feel compelled to share the height and depths of weighty 'spiritual' matters.  So imagine the buzz around the coffee maker in HEAVEN.. a little over 2000 years ago when God's plan for ‘saving’ mankind was revealed? SETTING: It was just another day at the 'office' when Larry and Betty meet at 'Heaven's Coffee Maker' for their morning cup of Joe. Larry the Angel: "Hey Betty, did you hear the latest about the plan the boss has for saving the world?" Betty The Angel: "No, so what's up?"  Larry the Angel: "Well rumor has it, Jesus Christ will come to earth as a child born of a virgin in a barn and sleep in a feeding trough for animals. His birth will not be proclaimed to the world, but to... get this... shepherds." And a few smart guys from the east. Betty The Angel: "Shepherds? .. right." Larry the Angel: "No it's true, and Jesus will be raised by a common carpenter and his wife" for the next almost 30 years in rural Israel. Betty The Angel: " Good one Larry, and so being a carpenter Jesus will build his father's kingdom." LOL. carpenter... build it... Get it?  Larry the Angel: "I know this sounds bizarre, but I heard it all from a very reliable source. And that's not all. Next, Jesus will choose 12 men to assist him as key members of his kingdom movement." Betty The Angel: "You mean like a presidential cabinet of sorts? Made up of priests, rabbis, maybe a few influential politicians, and some sort of minister of defense would seem reasonable. Larry the Angel: "No, .. they are mostly fishermen." Betty The Angel: "I see. fishermen... So far we have Jesus born in a barn in obscurity except to shepherds, and his critical years of development to be the King and Savior are spent as a carpenter instead of a seminary? Larry the Angel: "I know, I know....but that's not all. Next, Jesus will take on the established religious community. He will challenge, and mock their pious rules and motives, which of course flies like a politically incorrect Lead Balloon." Betty The Angel: "Well if this is true, then what else could they expect. Now, who is it you said you heard this all from? Were you not talking to Cliffy from the mail room again? I know this is Heaven, but Cliff is full of it, and by it I do not mean the Spirit" Larry the Angel: "No Betty it wasn't Cliff, it was from a very reliable source. Now be quiet for a minute and let me finish.. then you can let your jaw drop to the floor... because there is more." Betty The Angel: [ Betty motions that she is zipping her lip and smiles.. in silence ]  Larry the Angel: "All of this leads to a final week when the salvation message is realized. Jesus in this unconventional plan lulls the leaders of the day into .. falsely arresting him, and mocking him, he is beaten and whipped to the point of death. Then to a jeering crowd, he is led up to a hill where he is crucified as a common criminal while being rejected by the people he came to save... JUST THE WAY HE PLANNED IT." Larry the Angel: Of course, Jesus will not stay dead. He will rise from the dead, but not everyone will witness this. So believing in Jesus and accepting his free gift of salvation will be a matter of choice and will require personal faith in things not seen. Betty The Angel: [still silent, Betty stands with her arms crossed] Larry the Angel: "That's it Betty, believe me, or not.. that is God's honest truth (no pun intended)." <pause> "Ok, now you can speak." Betty The Angel: I don't know who put you up to this.. but I would NOT tell these wild tales to anyone else... This is all CRAZY TALK.. and I have better things to do with my time. Next time you learn any more 'Revelations' .. get it in writing on God's very own BLESSED executive stationery! Next time you should consider your sources before swallowing it all hook line and sinker. Betty walks away shaking her head. Larry refills his coffee cup and heads back to work perplexed why Betty did not believe him.  Ok, it may not have played out like this, but the story of Jesus life from the virgin birth that first Christmas and his 30 years on Earth culminating with his resurrection from the grave is God's beautifully unexpected story of salvation.
So next time at work when you are getting your coffee refill ponder the great news of God's salvation plan that began that first Christmas. ps - Share the Good News! Jeff ( a lot lower than the angels) Larson |
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Back Pew - Draw Close to God
116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING..
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©2019 Jeff Larson - All Rights Reserved
12/25/2022
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