I could tell this was going to be a very bad day to go to church. Just getting out of bed was tough enough.. and the Sunday paper was calling my name…. “psst fella, over here… look at me. I know STUFF”
The coffee was brewing, and it called out to me too.. “Hey fella, slow down.. it’s Sunday.”
So, I listened to the voices..
After all Sunday is the DAY OF REST (Genesis 2:2-3) and the Lord said it was GOOD.
Now I am a good Christian man, and as leader of our home it is important sometimes to declare a family day!.. where we stay home from church and spend time together bonding.
Ok, I confess 'Family Day' is actually code for I WANT TO STAY HOME AND NOT SHOWER UNTIL NOON… drink a pot of coffee, and read the sports section and maybe the Sunday funnies.
Sing? I don’t honestly like to sing, and I know the people I go to church with. They be nice people but .. SAINTS they AINT.
So off we go to church leaving my Sunday morning paper and my coffee at home.
This leaves me all the more lamenting the ‘family day’ lost.
First things first.. COFFEE. In the fellowship area they do have coffee.. but it is not STARBUCKS, Folgers, or even SANKA.
Our coffee is not brewed in a fancy latte-da Espresso machine or even a Kurig. Instead my church dispenses a strong black brew from a traditional big ALUMINUM DRUM that has been used but not cleaned since the Eisenhower Administration. It probably resembles a moonshine still more than a Kurig.
It's not great coffee, but I still down a couple cups of brew to keep me awake for what is to come.
The sanctuary is not really so crowded, but I am a big guy, and the ambiance falls short in comfort to sitting in MY living room drinking MY coffee, and reading MY Sunday paper.. in MY PJs!! … having a FAMILY DAY!
BUT I DIGRESS… again!
I don’t sing so ‘gooder’, and my sense of rhythm is that of a badger with back spasms. IT’S NOT PRETTY so I keep my worship stylings pretty close to the vest.
But no worry.. we have all the 'charismaniacs' types to make up for me… performing I guess for style points. We have Bullwinkle, Six-shooter Sam, Holey Harry Holman, and I sitting right behind a guy with the plumbers backside with hands raised high.
- There was the Head-Lice Epidemic of 2004.
- The Cal Ripken of ushers who should have just taken a sick day instead both infected and grossed out the parishioners one communion Sunday in 2008.
- AND .. with regards to our church being full of grace.. well NOT to the repeat offenders who dare fall asleep during the sermon.
My smirk moves to a cringe at the sight of our pastor as he saunters up to the pulpit… armed only with one lapel microphone and the word of God… both which he seems to overuse.
So there you have it. I do hope and pray there are jewels in my crown someday when I get to Heaven because on this day.. I WAS AT CHURCH worshiping with the saints and aints when I wanting to be home worshiping God in my own way with my new Virtual Reality Church System.
signed - some anonymous Sunday blogger or in this case BLAHgger
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of an 'anonymous guy' and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Back Pew. :)
Truth is.. I love my church and look forward to Sunday. Our church motto is 'No perfect people allowed'.. and so I fit right in with others like me who prayerfully seek to worship and honor our God with our lives. God is good, and his Grace is complete.
I pray God will bless each of you with a church you can call home.
Jeff (anonymous guy) Larson