The Smell of Fear..

I have just changed jobs AGAIN.  After 5 months working a job as a delivery driver of meals  to senior citizens and others  in financial, physical, and/or other needs I am now riding a  bus to downtown Saint Paul, Mn to an office job providing customer service for life insurance policies.

I was  not looking for a new  job, and was  thankful  for the opportunity to  serve others as hands  and feet of Jesus Christ for those in need.  As a driver I met many wonderful people, and  was touched by the spirit of many of my clients. Other clients were just existing as you  could see on their faces the weight of their situation.  Poverty,  sickness,  mental and/or emotional challenges  that were heavy loads.

But.. this  new opportunity came along where I would return to  an comfy office environment with predictable hours working with clients to answer their insurance policy questions. 

​This  new job pays signifcantly more money, and would not require the physical demands on my body,  nor  the driving 250 miles  in a day delivering meals  to  50+ clients this winter where  weather  in Minnesota is unpredictable and the country roads are snow & ice.

I did  pray about my decision of course with my wife,  and considered  the pros and cons, and decided to take this new  job supporting life insurance products.  I am actually typing this  blog while  riding the express bus (limited  stops) to my employers  downtown St Paul office.

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​So here comes  the FEAR.  While I am  in good  health, I am 61, wear bi-focals  and hearing aides, and with zero experience  with life insurance. 

I  am  in a 6 week training class with mostly millenials to learn a solid  understanding of our  insurance services, and I AM MORE THAN SLIGHTLY CHALLENGED. I  am learning, but I started  this  class  about a week and  a half after the rest  of  my group, but if I was swimming I would be dog paddling my fastest to keep up with a room full of Olympic Swimmers. I think I have swallowed half the pool.

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So my doubts kick in.. I  second  guess myself (for  the millionth time), go home regroup, talk with my wife and pray.  I am thankful to God for this opportunity,  but  in my glaringly flawed  humanity .. I have doubts.  Feelings of being old,  and unable  to  learn.. so go home regroup, talke with my wife and  pray, and  then pray some more. I pray for an attitude of trust in God, and for an ability to  learn,  and listen, and an attitude that is  positive even when the going is  tough.

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It is  unfortunate at age 61 I  am 'occupationally challenged' where over the last  few years I have hopped  between a number  of jobs.  Not blaming anyone except myself and/or circumstances, but it still a reality and  a regret.  I look forward  to retiring, but not sure when that  will make sense.. but I know at this moment in time  I need  to  work hard, be Christlike in my attitude and  efforts.

I don't live my life  now while focused  on what is in  my rear view  mirror.

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I share all this  because I don't think I am alone.  Many if  not  most of  us  face  challenges that we did not sign up for. Our individual situations and/or  challenges may be our own doing, or out of  our control. It could be a diagnosis that compromises your life. It could  be a lost job that was or  was  not  your fault.  Maybe problems in your  marriage or with your children or grandchildren that break your heart.  Maybe the  issue is  a vice/addiction. So  we become afraid.

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Through all this  I share because I do trust  God  to be  the answer in my life. I  believe He is loving, and NOT  indifferent to  any of our situations. 

​From Job to  the Prodigal Son God was faithful and  caring.  Look through the Gospels and  read Jesus teachings,  and look at his examples where He listened, wept, He healed, and  He was truthful love,  and even on the  cross  he promised  paradise to  the theif on the cross next to him.

What  a blessing it is to serve our loving  God.  The creator  of the Universe is  intimately interested  in each us  and our fears.

I pray God's blessings and providence for  his  church today, and  for  a lost  world that needs  to know our  loving Savior.

Jeff (bus ridin') Larson

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Note: One  day after writing this blog was  a particularly tough day. The fears and  doubts were back, but at the end of  the day while feeling discouraged I prayed and extremely  simple prayer.. HELP ME!  The sky did not open up and God's spirit descend on me like a dove, but after a  good  night's sleep  and a weekend ahead  of  me.. I am ready to go again. God is with me..  and I  can do all things (even a  new job) through Christ who strengthens me.

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