Lone Survivor on Estrogen Island

Not so long ago in 2014 I lived in a land with my wife, 22  yr old daughter Erin, 84 year old mom Nellie, 2 female dogs Baylie & Pepper, and one female cat Gizmo. I was as I like to aptly describe stranded on Estrogen Island.

This was a lonely time in my life with no one to talk football with as the natives only spoke Estrogenese. Though Estrogenese resembles English in structure but was a dialect ripe with hidden meanings.

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No longer did yes, mean yes, or no mean no, and other common words like fine, nothing, whatever, and wow when translated had double and sometimes TRIPLE meanings.  

Communication was further complicated when any of the above mentioned key words were used in combination. This was the dreaded DOUBLE AMBIGUOUS.  

​For example, if I tell my wife I am staying home and  watch the baseball game instead of shopping with her she may say..  "fine, whatever."  This is a double ambiguous where going to the game is NOT FINE, and WHATEVER.. is the last thing I should consider.

In these cases where I was in trouble (aka Thin Ice) for 'whatever' I learned flowers, jewelry, and watching Downton Abbey with my wife were all acceptable peace offerings.   I FELT SO USED.

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On Estrogen Island there is also a region once known as the master bathroom sink but has overgrown into a Beauty Labyrinth. It is covered with lotions, potions, brushes, blushes, tweezers, scissors, clippers, makeup, creams, 'smelly stuff', sprays & other misc. items not so easily identified. Leaving me in angst for my daily search in the Labyrinth for my toothbrush.   This become a matter of prayer for me.

The Beauty Labyrinth is similar to the mystery of a woman's purse. On the inside of what appears to be a simple handbag you will find cellphones, credit cards, cash, change, coupons, tic-tacs, tylenol, makeup, needle & thread,gum, sunglasses,  and a Glock 43 handgun. Move over NRA, Conceal & Carry has a new home.

In summary, not since the Tower of Babel have the languages been so confused.

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Since this time on Estrogen Island in 1984 much has changed. My mom passed away, Erin moved out on her own, Pepper & Baylie & Gizmo are all now in pet Heaven (though I am not sure about Gizmo) :) and my wife and I have added a male dog named Cooper.

You would think that would mean in our divided home government Cooper would cast his support to me.. you know guys stick together.. BUT no, Cooper loves Mary and is wary of me.  Good news is I have grown fond of Mary and her Estrogen infused ways lest my home look like an extended man cave where heat & serve food would be my go to meal plan.

May God bless you each today with happiness and contentment whether you live on Estrogen Island, or find yourself in Testosteronia. May your interactions with the natives of each be respectful of how God created us each wonderfully different.
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Jeff (Survivor) Larson  

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