Gonna Find me a Woman (Gen 20-24)

Before I discuss the Old Testament guide to 'FINDING A WOMAN' let me give a Genesis update where in Genesis 20 where Abraham AGAIN lies. He is not even original as he tells Abimelek king of Gerar that Sarah is his sister.  So Abimilek took Sarah into his house .. until God spoke to him in a dream with the words "You are a dead man walking for taking a married woman from my prophet." 

But God showed mercy on Abimilek as he had not come near her yet. The next day he gave Sarah back and Abe tried to explain himself in verse 12 ..

Well, technically she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 

<insert reflective pause here> 

Sounds like an episode from the Reality TV show 'The Real Housewives of the region of the Negev between Kadesh and Shur'.

Let me note again.. Sarah was some kind of sport to go along with this.  Don't think this plan would fly right with my wife Mary. 

Also, why do Kings and Pharaohs in the book of Genesis want 80+ year old women?  Not judging, just sayin'.

Next in Genesis 21 we learn Sarah becomes pregnant in her old age.  This was before gender reveal parties so Abraham and Sarah had to wait the traditional 9 months before they exclaimed "It's a boy, and we shall call him Isaac."

In celebration then passed out blue cupcakes, and drank blue kool-aid... ​cuz boys are BLUE and girls are PINK.  

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Now onward and forward we go..

​Do you remember Hagar in Genesis 16, The fact that she had a son with Abraham now complicated life. Tensions and jealousy rose between Hagar and Ishmael with Sarah and Isaac, so Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away.

I obviously do not understand this whole dynamic or know how to justify this.. except I do know that Hagar and Ishmael were not how God planned to bless Abraham but through the birth of Isaac. 

This story is harsh, but in these verses we learn God heard the cries of Hagar and was with the boy. 17 ..the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven "Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying ..Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.”

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Next, in Genesis 22, God tests Abraham by instructing him to sacrifice son Isaac whom he loved dearly.
​.. but God finds Abe faithful in this test from God and God stops Abe from sacrificing Isaac and instead provides a lamb to be sacrificed. 
Note 1: I confess I may have threatened to kill my boys when they were acting out as teenagers.
​Note 2: Isaac being saved was very good news for the literal future of Israel.  
Note 3: Not a good day to be a lamb stuck in a thicket.
Note 4: The above threats to kill my sons was a figure of speech

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​Moving forward in reading Genesis 22:21 we are introduced to my favorite names in the Bible.  

​ Uz and Buz (not Buzz LIghtyear) the sons of Nahor. 

Not much is said about these two fine young men leaving this cartoonist with time on his hands to imagine they were chick magnets and they had a cousin named.. Fuzz.  

Maybe, maybe not.

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Now back to Abraham.  He is now well over 100 years old, and Sarah passed away Genesis 23. So of course Abraham feels the urgency of finding his son Isaac a wife before his days are over too. How is Abraham going to be the father of a nation with more descendants than the stars in the skies if his son never goes on a date?

"So Isaac my son, you need to go outside and stop playing video games all day.  Say hi to a girl, they won't bite. Go find yourself a nice Jewish girl, settle down, then go forth and MULTIPLY!    Maybe, maybe not
 
If the story in Genesis 24 was today, Abe could help Isaac set up an ad in the personals, sign up for a E-Harmony site, or Jewish Mingles, order a MAIL ORDER BRIDE, check the church bulletin board, or.. attend an old faithful church potluck where the dishes are HOT just like the ladies.  Maybe, maybe not.

Since dating life in Genesis 24 was a tad more primitive than today with zero wi-fi, Abe decides to help his son out. Oh great, that is just the news any young man wants to hear.. Dad is finding me a woman of my very own.  What I am trying to say is.. While I may have never been  a major-mover with the ladies I never stooped to asking my dad for dating advice.  I love you dad, but this was not going to happen.

To make this process even stranger-er, Abraham insisted his chief servant 'promise' to find this woman. 

How is this promise secured you may ask?

1. Does his servant sign official documents binding him to find Isaac a Mrs. Isaac as witnessed by a notary public?
2. Maybe the ol' pinky swear with your other hand on a stack of Bibles.  or.. 
3. the dreaded 'cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye' pledge.​

No instead Abraham says..   “Hey fella, put your hand under my leg and swear.” 

<insert dramatic pause here> I beg your pardon?  Come again?  Is this an advanced version of the old 'pull my finger' joke? 

Aah those good old (testament) days. You just never hear anyone say anymore.. "put your hand under my leg".

note: I have a very good friend Bryan Anderson, and if he asked to put my hand under his leg you could be assured I would SWEAR. "Oh bleep, that was creepy!" Then I believe I would be deemed ceremonial unclean by my church for at least 7 days. maybe, maybe not

So Abraham’s servant does swear to Abraham to follow his instructions and finds the lovely Rebecca.  It was truly love at first sight? er aaa.. meet?.. er aaaa… arranged marriage.

She agrees to return with Abe's servant and leave her family to marry Isaac.  And they all lived happily ever after.  Well at least through Genesis 24.

After the deal is done.. Abraham gets busy himself.  He marries again and his new bride has more 6 kids.  Finally at a very youthful age of 175 Abe breathes his last though they say he never did look a day past 155.

The lesson I see again in these Genesis stories is how God is faithful even when man even when we makes decisions that leave me more than scratching my head (ie Abraham).  This is good news for me, and you too.  I make more than my fair share of mistakes, and while my faith is not on par with Abraham.. I am blessed knowing God honors my desire to obey Him.  

Life will never be about being the perfect Christian. Perfect Christians are like the Loch Ness monster.. folk lore at best.

I pray God finds us faithful, and I pray for His blessings and providence in our lives as we daily love and obey Him with all our heart.

Jeff (My wife is NOT my sister) Larson

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