Aflack Apocrypha

It is common knowledge in the church that all those who accept Jesus Christ ​as their savior automatically receive an eternal life insurance (ELI)plan protecting them from Hell Fire .  This ELI plan is a must for all those who value eternity.., I highly recommend it. No monthly premiums to remember, so why not sign up today.


But, besides the ELI policy featured in the Gospels I was concerned regarding the life and health insurance needs for an extremely violent Old Testament. What happens what tragedy strikes?Then after researching Google and after about 7 red bulls at 3 as.m. I uncovered a little known but powerful insurance plan known as the Aflack Apocrypha Comprehensive Insurance Plan (AACI).  AACI covered the following significant Bible moments and more..

• ​Goliath showing concussion symptoms was covered by the 'rock in the head' clause.
• Sisera's splitting headache that Excedrin would not touch covered by the 'tent stake to the noggin' clause. 
• Everyone on that Jericho Wall was built in compliance to OSHA regulations.. so AACI was there for the survivors of this fall. Unfortunately there were no survivors except Rahab.
• Abimelech.. would have benefited with the above 'rock on head' clause. (see Goliath) but the details of the accident were attempted to be covered up.
• Eutychus.. who had a great fall but recovered. But had he died.. AACI would have covered the cost of his funeral.
• Pharaoh .. Did not have insurance to cover even one of the seven plagues, or the tragedy at the crossing of the Red Sea. STBY (stinks to be you) Pharaoh.  

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Other probable insurance claims I noticed were..

• ​The Lost digit clause came in handy for King Adoni-Bezek
• Had Eglon survived he would was a good candidate for back surgery... to have that 'SWORD' removed. Fortunately Ehud had a 'no fault' clause when using his sword in his AACI and so no legal actions were taken against him.
• Insurance when you are seriously, VERY SERIOUSLY sick with worms.  YES, there is a worms clause.
• Coverage for loss of home, family, and health, and your name is Job
• pet insurance​ is offered for damage to property or.. the risk of being their LUNCH.
• and finally accidental drowning during a baptism and fiery furnace clauses are all bundled into AACI.

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So there you have it.. The Aflack Apocrypha (AACI) .  We were the original 'We know a thing or two cuz we've seen a thing or two' insurance company.

Note: I am pretty sure this illustrated blog/writing/policy outline will NOT become an accepted part of the canon of scripture, but I am ok with that.

May God bless you with health and good insurance... and a future in Heaven with our Jesus.

Jeff

note: Confession, I never googled the Alfack Apocrypha.. I made it up.. (insert shock & awe here). I don't drink red bulls, and I certainly at my age am not up at 3 a.m. unless I have to pee.  TMI TMI

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