My wife Mary and I have several nativity sets that we put on display each Christmas season. And in the month of December 2004 was a Christmas season like most all the others, EXCEPT.. our dog Baylie (Husky Springer Spaniel mix) who was about a year and a half old at the time still liked to chew on things that were not her designated chew toys. One of those items is my kneaded eraser which I use when I am drawing my cartoons, and it looks like a lump of clay. Well Baylie would sneak it off my desk, and chew it up but never swallow it. Leaving a mangled pile of eraser fragments on the family room floor. I push the crumbs back together, and continue to use it. I know, I know.. Ewwwww!! But she cleans the pencil lead out of it and dog drool seems to be an active agent in making the eraser .. erase. BUT I DIGRESS.. Back to the Larson Nativity sets. One afternoon in December 2014 my wife and I came home to what looked like a Nativity Mob Kill scene. The wooden cart from the stable was in pieces, a shepherd laying face down on the coffee table, and a baby sheep took a fall off the table and onto the living room carpet. I can’t imagine the horror in eyes of the 3 wisemen who traveled so far only to see Baylie walk off with Baby Jesus in the clutches of her jaw. The question remained why? Maybe Baylie wanted Jesus in her heart, and thought swallowing him would be close to her heart. Stomach? Heart?.. good enough. BUT THEN she maybe did not like the texture of the ceramic Jesus figurine. OR MAYBE an audible voice from the Heavens yelled “Baylie.. This is my beloved son.. DONT EAT HIM!” Only Baylie and the figurines from the nativity set know for sure. Good News: Only a short time later the 'baby Jesus hostage crisis was over. The son God in ceramic form was returned to ceramic parents Mary & Joseph who were besides themselves with worry. And good news for Baylie was God did not strike her with lightning which was within his right. But.. just a couple weeks later Baylie was shocked when she chewed the lights on our Christmas tree. Coincidence? I think not. Moral of the story. If you really love Jesus don’t risk God revoking your ticket to Heaven just because your nativity sets are low enough for Baby Jesus to be mauled by the family dog. AND.. just like Baylie could not get Jesus in her heart by eating a figurine, neither can any of us have Jesus in our hearts just by going to church. May this Christmas be a peaceful season of adoration and personal faith where Jesus is in our hearts and not just in our nativity sets. Christmas Blessings Jeff Often the coffee maker in the workplace is the common place for socializing. While pouring a cup of caffeinated fuel there is talk about the big football game on Sunday, sharing vacation plans, some are brave enough to discuss politics and/or religion and have lived to tell the tale (not recommended), and of course the ever popular grumbling about the boss (the emperor who has no clothes) in hushed tones. In the same way the coffee maker at church is a place where friends catch up on each other's lives while a few may feel compelled to share the height and depths (and some bologna) on weighty spiritual matters. So imagine the buzz around the coffee maker in Heaven a little over 2000 years ago when God's plan for ‘saving’ mankind was revealed? Setting: It was just another day at the 'office' when Larry and Betty meet at 'Heaven's Coffee Maker' for their morning cup of coffee. Larry the Angel: "Hey Betty, did you hear the latest about the plan the boss has for saving the world?" Betty The Angel: "No, so what's up?" Larry the Angel: "Well rumor has it, Jesus Christ will come to earth as a child born of a virgin in a barn and sleep in a feeding trough for animals. His birth will not be proclaimed to the world, but to .. get this.. shepherds." And a few smart guys from the east Betty The Angel: "Shepherds? .. right." Larry the Angel: "No really it's true. , and Jesus will be raised by a common carpenter and his wife" and for the next almost 30 years in rural Israel. Betty The Angel: " Good one Larry, and so being a carpenter.. he will then build his father's kingdom." LOL.. Get it? Larry the Angel: "I know this sounds bizarre, but I heard it all from a very reliable source. And that's not all. Next, Jesus will choose 12 men to assist him as key members of his kingdom movement." Betty The Angel: "You mean like a presidential cabinet of sorts? Made up I imagine of priests, rabbis, maybe a few influential politicians, and some sort of minister of defense would seem reasonable. Larry the Angel: "No, .. they are mostly fishermen." Betty The Angel: "I see.. fishermen... So far we have Jesus born in a barn in obscurity except to shepherds, his critical years of development to be the King and Savior are spent as a carpenter instead of seminary? Larry the Angel: "I know, I know.. but that's not all. Next Jesus will take on the established religious community. He will challenge, and mock their pious rules and their motives.. which of course flies like a politically incorrect Lead Balloon." Betty The Angel: "Well if this is true, then what else could they expect. Now who is it you said you heard this all from? You were not talking to Cliffy from the mail room again were you? I know this is Heaven, but Cliff is full of it." Larry the Angel: "No Betty it wasn't Cliff, it was from a very reliable source. Now be quiet for a minute and let me finish.. then you can let your jaw drop to the floor... because there is more." Betty The Angel: [ Betty motions that she is zipping her lip and smiles.. in silence ] Larry the Angel: "All of this leads to a final week when the salvation message is realized. Jesus in this unconventional plan lulls the leaders of the day into .. falsely arresting him, mocking him, he is beaten and whipped to the point of death. Then to a jeering crowd he is lead up to a hill where he is crucified as a common criminal while being rejected by the people he came to save... JUST THE WAY HE PLANNED IT ALL ALONG." Larry the Angel: Of course Jesus will not stay dead. He will rise from the dead, but not everyone will witness this.. and so believing in Jesus, and accepting his free gift of salvation will be a matter of choice and it will require a personal faith in things not seen. Betty The Angel: [still silent, Betty stands with her arms crossed] Larry the Angel: "That's it Betty, believe me or not.. that is the God's honest truth (no pun intended)." <pause> "Ok, now you can speak." Betty The Angel: I don't know who put you up to this.. but I would NOT tell these wild tales to anyone else... This is all CRAZY TALK.. and I have better things to do with my time. Next time you learn anymore 'Revelations' .. get it in writing on God's very own BLESSED executive stationary!! Next time.. you should consider your sources before swallowing it all hook line and sinker. Betty walks away shaking her head. Larry refills his coffee cup and heads back to work perplexed why Betty did not believe him. Ok, it may not have played out like this, but the story of Jesus life from the virgin birth that first Christmas and his 30 years on Earth culminating with his resurrection from the grave is such a beautifully unexpected story of salvation. So next time at work when you are getting your coffee refill ponder the great news of God's salvation plan that began that first Christmas. Merry Christmas blessings! Jeff ( a lot lower than the angels) Larson 12/20/2017 The Christmas Odd Couple (revisited)Before Felix and Oscar in Neil Simon’s ‘The Odd Couple’ there were the Shepherds and Angels that first Christmas Night. Never has there been a starker contrast between major players in any significant moment in history. Not since Almighty God himself walked through the Garden of Eden with the underdressed for the occassion fig leaf clad Adam & Eve have there been such high society folk mixing with blue collar / red necked joe and joe-ettes. Think of it… The Angels from the Realms of Glory wing their flight over all the Earth, while the shepherds snack on ‘sheep jerky’ playing pull my finger jokes around the camp fire dressed and smelling like.. sheep. The Angel Choirs sing Hark.. and Glory to the new born king, while The Shepherds are in need of a SHEEP-PS (sheep positioning system) just to find this same baby Jesus. It's safe to say you probably will not celebrate Christmas this year with a shepherd, or angel. But you may be a Baptist in need of bran sitting in church next to a self proclaimed Charismatic 'Holy Roller'. Or you may be a sharp dressed senior in suit & tie toting a leather bound red letter KJV bible sitting next to an unshaven Millennial in ripped jeans (on purpose!) with a bible app on his I-Phone using the MSG version. Come Lord Jesus Come! So the more we change the more we stay the same. Pentecostals, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and more all worshiping the same Jesus those angels and shepherds did 2000+ years ago. May God bless all you 'odd couples' this Christmas. Jeff Like an ugly ornament that I cannot bear to throw away so is my retelling of a Christmas Concert from a few years back. In December of 2007 my wife and I went on a Christmas date to get the season started off right, but it did not end up like anything 'dreamed of' by Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. We started the evening off with a nice dinner at a local steak house in front of a roaring (gas/fake) fireplace as the weather outside was as the Christmas classic described accurately as frightful. More specifically it was very COLD After dinner we were off to downtown Minneapolis to the Pantages Theatre to listen to an A Cappella group called the Blenders for their Christmas concert. note: I am not an A Capella kinda guy normally, but I got the tickets for free from my cousin.. and I AM a free tickets kinda guy so I thought I would go where the cool kids go... or something like that. As we approach downtown we soon learn parking on a friday night during the holiday season would not be a picnic. There was a Christmas parade in progress near the theatre so we began driving in a slow moving car conga line consisting of a series of one-way right hand turns for about 30 minutes resulting in us parking about 5 city blocks from the theatre. Like a slower colder version of Nascar without a winner. Once parked we began our Frozen Mecca to the Pantages Theatre where the air temp was about 2 below zero and wind chill 14 below. Oh by the way we were walking into this wind not with it. To complicate things for poor little ol me I was not wearing a hat, and my coat was was not a great coat for MinneFROZEta. Along our walk we passed by several downtown establishments. One was a gay bar and then we passed a club advertising topless girls, with the words.. hot, hot, hot over the topless ad. Now this is where I was tempted.. not to see topless girls.. but I asked my wife since they were hot maybe we could go in for a moment and warm ourselves by their heat. Ok, honestly there was no temptation here for me, just an excuse for me to share another bad pun with my wife so she could roll her now frozen eyes at me. Pantages at last! We finally arrive about 15 minutes before the concert began. Shivering and frozen we bought a $3 cup of coffee from the cash bar in the lobby which my wife and I took turns holding it to keep warm. When another couple entered the theater and sat next to us visibly cold too, I offered to let them hold my coffee for $1 apiece. They both laughed, but I did not see what was so funny. It's SHOWTIME.. So inside we go and the concert begins. The Blenders are very good but for me, one evening with an A Cappella group will be enough... enough for my lifetime. The Blenders are 4 guys I would guess their mid to late 30s in suits with choreographed movements like four Caucasian Temptations. To add to the atmosphere there was a group of well dressed professionals filling a large block of seats just in front of us. I am guessing they were part of a company holiday party dressed up in suits and dresses. They were kind of loud 'notice me types', which is .. not my type. Then during intermission they all stood in front of my wife making FULL use of the cash bar in the lobby and there was also one young good looking guy passing a flask with something that I am pretty sure was stronger than 7-Up. After two hours of listening to A Capella Christmas croonings, were retraced to our frozen steps to our car and then headed back to our warm home free of anyone in my living room passing a flask and standing in front of my TV. So to sum it all up .. We had dinner in front of a fake fire, participated in downtown traffic jams, crowded parking ramps, snow, ice, passed by topless & gay bars, all to sit behind loud drinking young professionals while being entertained by .. Minnesota Night with the Pips?.. The next night.. was more low key Larson type of Christmas which we spent with our son Nate and his then girlfriend Kendra, and our daughter Erin. We listened to Christmas music, made gingerbread cookies, and played the protestant approved card game.. Rook. It was a great evening which included a mini-fight with flour while making cookies. IF by chance anyone from that corporate America party who 'LOUDLY' sat in front of me at the Pantages theater in 2007 I am sorry you missed out on my great Saturday night making cookies with family. Then again the risk of flour finger prints on your $300 suits, and the probability of gingerbread crumbs falling into the cleavage (front or back) of your black backless & low cut dresses without a flask in sight would not be who all would call fun. Merry Christmas Blessings. May your family times be warm and A Capella free. Jeff 12/25/2015 The Christmas Odd CoupleBefore Felix and Oscar in Neil Simon’s ‘The Odd Couple’ there were the Shepherds and Angels that first Christmas Night. Never has there been a starker contrast between major players in any significant moment in history. Not since Almighty God himself walked through the Garden of Eden with the underdressed for the occassion fig leaf clad Adam & Eve have there been such high society folk mixing with blue collar / red necked joe and joe-ettes. Think of it… The Angels from the Realms of Glory wing their flight over all the Earth, while the shepherds snack on ‘sheep jerky’ playing pull my finger jokes around the camp fire dressed and smelling like.. sheep. The Angel Choirs sing Hark.. and Glory to the new born king, while The Shepherds are in need of a SHEEP-PS (sheep positioning system) just to find this same baby Jesus. Of course that was then.. this is now. Meaning, CHURCH is still such a strange collection of odd couples. Pentecostals, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and ... those like me who ‘claim’ to be non-denominational.. aka denominational mutts. So if Angels and Shepherds could unite in worship 2000+ years ago that first Christmas night, I think all Christians from the Holy Rollers to Baptists in need of Bran should celebrate the birth of Jesus this year. If you are a high church kind of guy or gal, or if you call dressing up wearing a clip on tie on your best flannel shirt. If you raise your hands in worship, dance in the aisles, speak in tongues, baptize in an ocean, have bingo in the church basement.. we are all a part of the same church body. May we unite our intentions and energies to bring Glory be to God this Christmas season! Love God, and care for others this Christmas.. the rest is just details. Christmas Blessings Jeff Like an ugly ornament that I cannot bear to throw away so is my retelling of a Christmas Concert from just a few years ago. In December of 2007 my wife and I went on a Christmas date to get the season started off right, but it did not end up like anything 'dreamed of' by Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. We started the evening off with a nice dinner at a local steak house in front of a roaring (gas/fake) fireplace as the weather outside was as the Christmas classic described accurately as frightful. After dinner we were off to downtown Minneapolis to the Pantages Theatre to listen to an A Cappella group called the Blenders for their Christmas concert. Once downtown we soon learn parking on a friday night during the holiday season would not be a picnic. There was also a Christmas parade in progress near the theatre so we began driving in a slow moving car conga line consisting of a series of one-way right hand turns for about 30 minutes resulting in us parking about 5 city blocks from the theatre. Once parked we began our Frozen Mecca to the Pantages Theatre where the air temp was about 2 below zero and wind chill 14 below. Oh by the way we were walking into this wind not with it. To complicate things for poor little ol me I was not wearing a hat, and my coat was was not a great coat for MinneFROZEta. Along our walk we passed by several downtown establishments.One was a gay bar and then we passed a club advertising topless girls, with the words.. hot, hot, hot over the topless ad. Now this is where I was tempted.. not to see topless girls.. but I asked my wife since they were hot maybe we could go in for a moment and warm ourselves by the heat. Ok, honestly there was no temptation here for me, just an excuse for me to share another bad pun with my wife so she could roll her now frozen eyes at me. Pantages here we go.. We finally arrive about 15 minutes before the concert began. Shivering and frozen we bought a $3 cup of coffee from the cash bar in the lobby which my wife and I took turns holding it to keep warm. When another couple entered the theatre and sat next to us visibly cold too, I offered to let them hold my coffee for $1 apiece. They both laughed, but I did not see what was so funny. Let the Show Begin.. So inside we go and the concert begins. The Blenders are very good and for me, one evening with an A Cappella group is enough... enough for my lifetime. The Blenders are 4 guys I would guess their mid to late 30s in suits with choreographed movements like four Caucasian Temptations. To add to the atmosphere there was a group of well dressed professionals filling a large block of seats in front of us. I am guessing they were part of a company holiday party dressed up in suits and dresses looking and ACTING the part of Type-A schmoozers. Kind of loud notice me types, that were .. not my type. Then during intermission they all stood in front of my wife making FULL use of the cash bar in the lobby and there was also one young good looking guy passing a flask with something that I am pretty sure was stronger than 7-Up. After two hours of listening to A Capella Christmas croonings, were retraced to our frozen steps to our car and then headed back to our warm home free of anyone in my living room passing a flask and standing in front of my TV. So to sum it all up .. We had dinner in front of a fake fire, participated in downtown traffic jams, crowded parking ramps, snow, ice, passed by topless & gay bars, all to sit behind loud drinking young professionals while being entertained by .. Minnesota Night with the Pips?.. While I do take pot shots at this Friday outing it is becoming simply.. I am Christian who SMIRKS. I did have a good time with my wife.. I was cold.. but to be with the woman I love and to take time to be with her and appreciate her was a great way to start Christmas. The next night.. was more low key Larson type of Christmas which we spent with our son Nate and his then girlfriend Kendra, and our daughter Erin with her boyfriend. We listened to Christmas music, made gingerbread cookies, and played the protestant approved card game.. Rook. It was a great evening which included a mini-fight with flour while making cookies. IF by chance anyone from that corporate America party in 2007 reads this email about my great Saturday night making cookies you can thank God instead for your night out sipping from your flask, with NO gingerbread cookies, flour prints on your $300 suit, or gingerbread crumbs stuck in your cleavage while donning a black backless & low cut dress that you bought special for this occasion and certainly NOT from the local JC Penney. Merry Christmas Blessings Jeff 12/15/2015 When heaven was all a buzzThe BUZZ Around The Coffee Maker... IT'S A SIMPLE PLAN Often in the traditional workplace the coffee maker is the common place for socializing with coworkers. While pouring a cup of caffienated fuel there is talk about the big football game on Sunday, sharing vacation plans, some are brave enough to discuss politics and/or religion and have lived to tell the tale (not recommended), and of course the ever popular grumbling about the boss (the emperor who has no clothes) in hushed tones. So imagine the buzz around the coffee maker in Heaven a little over 2000 years ago when God's plan for ‘saving’ mankind was revealed? Setting: It was just another day at the 'office' when Larry and Betty meet at 'Heaven's Coffee Maker' for their morning cup of coffee. Larry the Angel: "Hey Betty, did you hear the latest about the plan the boss has for saving the world?" Betty The Angel: "No, so what's up?" Larry the Angel: "Well rumor has it, Jesus Christ will come to earth as a child born of a virgin in a barn and sleep in a feeding trough for animals. His birth will not be proclaimed to the world, but to .. get this.. shepherds." And a few guys from the east Betty The Angel: "Shepherds? .. right." Larry the Angel: "No really it's true. , and Jesus will be raised by a common carpenter and his wife" and for the next almost 30 years Jesus will work as a carpenter, in rural Israel. Betty The Angel: " Good one Larry, and so being a carpenter.. he will then build his father's kingdom." LOL Larry the Angel: "I know this sounds bizarre, but I heard it all from a very reliable source. And that's not all. Next, Jesus will choose 12 men to assist him as key members of his kingdom movement." Betty The Angel: "You mean like a presidential cabinet of sorts? Made up I imagine of priests, rabbis, maybe a few influential politicians, and some sort of minister of defense would seem reasonable. Larry the Angel: "No, .. they are mostly fishermen." Betty The Angel: "I see.. fishermen... So far we have Jesus born in a barn in obscurity except to shepherds, his critical years of development to be the King and Savior are spent as a carpenter instead of seminary? Yes, yes.. this makes 'boat loads' of sense.... NOT!" Larry the Angel: "I know, I know.. but that's not all. Next Jesus will take on the established religious community. He will challenge, and mock their rules and their motives.. which of course flies like a politically incorrect Lead Balloon." Betty The Angel: "Well if this is true, then what else could they expect. Now who is it you said you heard this all from? You were not talking to Cliffy from the mail room again were you? I know this is Heaven, but Cliff is full of it." Larry the Angel: "No Betty it wasn't Cliff, it was from a very reliable source. Now be quiet for a minute and let me finish.. then you can let your jaw drop to the floor... because there is more." Betty The Angel: [ Betty motions that she is zipping her lip and smiles.. in silence ] Larry the Angel: "All of this leads to a final week when the salvation message is realized. Jesus in this unconventional plan lulls the leaders of the day into .. falsely arresting him, mocking him, he is beaten and whipped to the point of death. Then to a jeering crowd he is lead up to a hill where he is crucified as a common criminal while being rejected by the people he came to save... JUST THE WAY HE PLANNED IT ALL ALONG." Larry the Angel: Of course Jesus will not stay dead. He will rise from the dead, but not everyone will witness this.. and so believing in Jesus, and accepting his free gift of salvation will be a matter of choice and it will require a personal faith in things not seen. Betty The Angel: [still silent, Betty stands with her arms crossed] Larry the Angel: "That's it Betty, believe me or not.. that is the God's honest truth (no pun intended)." <pause> "Ok, now you can speak." Betty The Angel: I don't know who put you up to this.. but I would tell these wild tales to anyone else... This is all CRAZY TALK.. and I have better things to do with my time. Next time you learn anymore 'Revelations' .. get it in writing on God's very own BLESSED executive stationary!! Next time.. you should consider your sources before swallowing it all hook line and sinker. You are just soooo gullable." Betty walks away shaking her head. Larry refills his coffee cup and heads back to work perplexed why Betty did not believe him. Ok maybe it was not quite like this, and I don't think this would have been a script in Hollywood. Kings, and great rulers would be scripted to be more spectacular than a poor carpenter boy who ticks off the establishment and is ultimately crucified as a criminal. Then again.. Hollywood's vision of drama, 'passion' or anything with a salvation message of sorts is typically a bit.. WACKED. Have a great day.. and may the great news of God's plan for our salvation and for a happy life here on Earth be realized in each of your lives. Jeff 12/10/2015 the day my dog almost ate baby jesusMy wife Mary and I have several nativity sets that we put on display each Christmas season. And in the month of December 2004 was a Christmas season like most all the others, EXCEPT.. our dog Baylie who was about a year and a half old at the time still liked to chew on things that were not her designated chew toys. One of those items is my kneaded eraser which I use when I am drawing my cartoons, and it looks like a lump of clay. Well Baylie would sneak it off my desk, and chew it up but never swallow it. Leaving a mangled pile of eraser fragments on the family room floor. I push the crumbs back together, and continue to use it. I know, I know.. Ewwwww!! But she cleans the pencil lead out of it and dog drool seems to be an active agent in making the eraser .. erase. BUT I DIGRESS.. Back to the Larson Nativity sets. One afternoon in December 2014 my wife and I came home to what looked like a Nativity Mob Kill scene. The wooden cart from the stable was in pieces, a shepherd laying face down on the coffee table, and a baby sheep took a fall off the table and onto the living room carpet. I can’t imagine the horror in eyes of the 3 wisemen who traveled so far only to see Baylie walk off with Baby Jesus in the clutches of her jaw. The question remained why? Maybe Baylie wanted Jesus in her heart, and thought swallowing him would be closeto her heart. Stomach? Heart?.. good enough. BUT THEN she maybe did not like the texture of the ceramic Jesus figurine. OR MAYBE an audible voice from the Heavens yelled “Baylie.. This is my beloved son.. DONT EAT HIM!” Only Baylie and the figurines from the nativity set know for sure. Good News: Only a short time later the 'baby Jesus hostage crisis was over. The son God in ceramic form was returned to ceramic parents Mary & Joseph who were besides themselves with worry. And good news for Baylie was God did not strike her with lightning which was within his right. But just a couple weeks later Baylie was shocked when she chewed the lights on our Christmas tree. Moral of the story. If you really love Jesus don’t risk God revoking your ticket to Heaven just because your nativity sets are low enough for Baby Jesus to be mauled by the family dog. AND.. just like Baylie could not get Jesus in her heart by eating a figurine, neither can any of us have Jesus in our hearts just by going to church. May this Christmas be a peaceful season of adoration and personal faith where Jesus is in our hearts and not just in our nativity sets. Christmas Blessings Jeff |
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Back Pew - Draw Close to God
116 pages of cartoons of 'Clean Humor & God's Truth' CRITICS ARE SAYING..
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12/23/2017
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