Blog Archives

8/5/2020

Aflack Apocrypha 2020

It is common knowledge in the church that all those who accept Jesus Christ as their savior automatically receive an eternal life insurance (ELI) plan protecting them from Hell Fire . This ELI plan is a must for all those who value eternity.., I highly recommend it. No monthly premiums to remember, so why not sign up today.

But, besides the ELI policy featured in the Gospels I was concerned regarding the life and health insurance needs for an extremely violent Old Testament. What happens what tragedy strikes?Then after researching Google and after about 7 red bulls at 3 a.m. I uncovered the little known but powerful insurance plan known as the Aflack Apocrypha Comprehensive Insurance Plan (AACI). AACI covered the following significant Bible moments and more..

Goliath showing concussion symptoms was covered by the 'rock in the head' clause.
Sisera's splitting headache that Excedrin would not touch covered by the 'tent stake to the noggin' clause.
Everyone on that Jericho Wall was built in compliance to OSHA regulations.. so AACI was there for the survivors of this fall. Unfortunately there were no survivors except Rahab.
Abimelech.. would have benefited with the above 'rock on head' clause. (see Goliath) but the details of the accident were attempted to be covered up.
Eutychus.. who had a great fall but recovered. But had he died.. AACI would have covered the cost of his funeral.
Pharaoh .. Did not have insurance to cover even one of the seven plagues, or the tragedy at the crossing of the Red Sea. STBY (stinks to be you) Pharaoh.

Other probable insurance claims I noticed were..

The Lost digit(s) clause came in handy for King Adoni-Bezek
Had Eglon survived he would was a good candidate for back surgery... to have that 'SWORD' removed. Fortunately Ehud had a 'no fault' clause when using his sword in his AACI and so no legal actions were taken against him.
Insurance when you are seriously, VERY SERIOUSLY sick with worms. YES, there is a worms clause.
Coverage for loss of home, family, and health, and your name is Job
pet insurance is offered for damage to property or.. the risk of being their LUNCH.
and finally accidental drowning during a baptism and fiery furnace clauses are all bundled into AACI.

So there you have it.. The Aflack Apocrypha (AACI) . This was the original 'We know a thing or two cuz we've seen a thing or two' insurance company.

Note: I am pretty sure this illustrated blog/writing/policy outline will NOT become an accepted part of the canon of scripture, but I am ok with that since I confess.. I never googled the Alfack Apocrypha.. I made it up.. (insert shock & awe here). I don't drink red bulls, and I certainly at my age am not up at 3 a.m. unless I have to pee. TMI TMI

note: If you have great Health, Dental, and Vision insurance now.. GREAT.. but if you don't have the assurance of Heaven in your future (John 3:16).. then you are under-insured. There is only one way to Heaven (John 14:6). In this case there is no better time than NOW to give your life to God.

May God bless you with health and good insurance on Earth... and the promise of someday Heaven with our Jesus.

Jeff ( Insured by Grace ) Larson

0 Comments

8/4/2020

0 Comments

You can't STOP TIME

Well, I cannot stop Father time.. or in my case grandfather time. I will turn 63 this month, and if the calendar did not tell me that.. my body reminds me often.

I can't complain though, or rather I shouldn't complain. I am in many ways healthier than I was even just a few years ago. My blood pressure is very good, and I no longer drink alcohol (5+ years sober). Now on the flip side, I now have hearing aides, a stronger bi-focaled eye prescription, and I describe through exaggeration my spine as a shaken up can of Pringles (vertebraes all stacked up but with a few cracks and crumbles.

Along with grandfather time shouting into my new hearing aides, he reminds me of my mortality. When I was 20 this was never a subject I gave much thought to, but that was 40+ YEARS AGO.

Ok, so far I have pondered getting older so let's move on to the topic of .. DEATH, and also.. ETERNITY. Oh great you are thinking, now Jeff is going to share his funeral arrangements and/or funeral home collection of cartoons. WRONG. :) I don't have funeral home cartoons.. YET. What I do want to share is the hope of Heaven. Not like I hope I win the lottery, but a infinitely better reward than a lottery, and with certain (100%) odds of Heaven.

The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Cor 2:9 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.”

Oh death where is your victory, where is your sting? These are also the words of the Apostle Paul (1 Cor 15:55) not Edgar Alan Poe. Paul continues.. 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Of course, this life does not guarantee us 80, 60, or 20 years, and no matter and our lives are a mere drop in the ocean of eternity. We cling to this life on Earth so tightly and that seems only right, but let's not hang on too tightly where we lose sight of Heaven.

May God bless each of us with REAL JOY during our lives on Earth even when 'we' are 60+ years old with hearing aides, bi-focaled eyes, and a spine like a shaken up can of Pringles. Sorry, I digressed. May God find us faithful in the moments that make up this life.

Jeff (achy breaky senior citizen) Larson

0 Comments

8/3/2020

1 Comment

I wish I was CHRISTIAN again

A strange title indeed. There was an AT&T commercial a while back where this guy in the suit is sitting at a table asking a bunch of little kids what is better FASTER or SLOWER? They all agree faster is better. One little girl explains faster is better or else you might be bitten by a werewolf and then you will say.. wawawawawawa.. which means I wish I was human again! The man in the suit stammers.. "what?"

note: If you don't remember this commercial, it is a must watch. click here-> wawawawawawa

Well I think I have similar state of mind when I can become so overwhelmed by the challenges of the year 2020 to where I lose all perspective. Frustration, discouragement, and yes anger with this world gone bonkers clouds my thinking. Some days I become a brooding, and sputtering little black rain cloud with the fruit of God's Spirit windblown from my countenance finding myself much like the girl in the AT&T commercial saying.. "wawawawawawa.. I wish I was CHRISTIAN again."

Moments like these leave me stinging.. and feeling badly about myself. I know I did not lose my place in Heaven because of my discouragement but I don't exactly feel like a victorious Christian either.

Good news ALWAYS is God's Grace is there for me AGAIN. I can pick up and start again to become intentional in my pursuit of God where I see God, and I see HIS purpose (Matthew 6:10) before I see mine. I desire to truly love God and keep him always center in my life and realize when I am weak (and I am often) HE makes me strong (Philippians 4:13).

What if my faith was NOT ABOUT ME but instead ALL ABOUT JESUS? What a difference this would make in me realizing and taking in the truth.. 'I AM A CHRISTIAN saved by His Grace and loved by Him.' What if His Church (all believers) loved God, the church, and the world.. with God as primary focus? Wow, that is a beautiful and big WHAT IF. But is my prayer.

Personally I know this prayerfully would reduce those feelings where I tongue in cheek 'wish I was Christian again'.

May God bless your lives with knowing the promise of salvation, and peace that passes all understanding even in this 2020 world where peace is the last word to describe it.

Jeff ( Thankful today ) Larson

1 Comment

Forward

Aflack Apocrypha 2020

You can't STOP TIME

I wish I was CHRISTIAN again

Author

Archives

Categories