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By: Jeff Larson
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CARTOONS
by: Jeff Larson |
FEAR
FACTOR KOINONIA
In February 2004 I
was presented with the opportunity to travel with the Senior High School
group from our church on a weekend retreat. Now I get to church on Friday
afternoon ready to help out and first thing I find out is that I get to
drive a van pulling a trailer with all the luggage on our 6 hour trek
to my Wisconsin homeland. Along with the van I drove there was a 60 passenger
bus that was carrying the majority of the teens. The trip went fine though
the roads could have been better due to the 10 inches of fresh snow.
So we finally arrive at our destination. The appropriately named
Fort Wilderness is an amazing retreat center that we are sharing with
just one other church. The purpose of this retreat is a combination of
FUN and with the deeper purpose of growing more passionate about our faith.
The speaker was great and his message of being an INTENTIONAL v an ACCIDENTAL
Christian was tremendous even for the OLD FOLKS like me. I know it would
be worthwhile to share bits from this great message, but .. BUT. today
I want to focus on what 15-18 year olds think is great fun.
Let me start with the random acts of screaming and diving into
the snow banks. We had 10 inches of fresh snow just the day before so
it was like a strange voice in their teen brains that seemed irresistible.
Of course this was the mellow behavior. Now I have to confess that I was
convinced by the riders of my van (who were five 17-18 year old guys including
my son Curt) that as I neared the campground after the our 6 hour van
Mecca, that they should create a new sport called 'VAN JUMPING'. Van Jumping
is performed with a van at a rate of speed somewhere between 10-20 MPH
near a corner where there is a tall snowplowed bank of fresh snow calling
their names to .. JUMP from the moving van. Now being a young man once
I understand the call. It is not a call from an intelligent higher being..
it is in affect a voice operating on just a few brain waves uncluttered
with reason or common sense. Next to doing dumb stuff to show off for
girls.. senseless risk is a high priority for a teenage guy.
So you think THAT WAS STUPID.. well this was only the
tip of the 'STUPID' ICEBERG. The most shocking event of the weekend was
planned by our Sr. High pastor and supported and praised by a frenzied
mob of teens who can't wait to participate. It is called.. *drum roll*
THE WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE! The object of this game is to perform disgusting
gross out tasks to the applause and shrieks of horror of their peers.
This is where I got the name FEAR FACTOR KOINONIA. I believe the word
koinonia is a Greek word that describes a type of close bonding and fellowship
that was set as an example in the first century church. Well, our Sr.
High group is absolutely great.. and led by a terrific Senior High Pastor
who is passionately teaching these teens to be serious and passionate
about their faith, and do so while enjoying life.. and enjoying friends.
Great message, and a great passion that is evident with this group, BUT..this
passion and message today will be blended with THE WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE.
The WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE is a large paper wheel with a spinner. The object
is that a volunteer from each table will spin the wheel then perform the
GROSS OUT task that the WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE selects. Now we are not talking
CUTSEY, SILLY TASKS. these FEAR FACTOR LIKE gross outs included the following
items.
TOE JAM - where one teen must eat jam from between the toes of
another teen selected from the audience.
RUNNY NOSE - where one teen has honey poured over his
nose and his upper lip and face, and another teen must lick and/or suck
the honey clean.
SNAUSAGES - this one was tame. The teen rolls a dice,
and then must eat that many dog treats. My dog loves snausages, but then
again she licks her butt.
THE BLENDER - this smelled like a garbage can. Clam juice,
salsa, tuna, chocolate syrup were just a few items blended in a blender,
poured into a cup for a teen to TRY and drink.
BABY BIRD - this is where one teen chews up a mouthful
full of candy bars, then spits it in the mouth of another teen like a
momma bird chews up food for their baby birds, THEN that teen must swallow
it.
These are 4 of the games that were chosen this year. Last year a contestant
had to shave a patch of his leg hairs, and then eat those same leg hairs.
Now there are a few observations I must make. Being 30
years older than most of the crowd, I believe that was the most stupid,
senseless, grossest-est activity I have ever seen. To be honest at the
time it made me a little bit mad. WE ARE RAISING MORONS.. that are being
encouraged by our Senior High Pastor!!
Then again
if I was a teen I would be thinking this was pretty cool. please pass
the blender.
So you may be wondering.. WHAT KIND OF BAPTIST CULT IS
THIS!! Well it is not a cult. No one bit the head off a live chicken ..
and no one was hurt. Was this STUPID? Without a doubt!! STUPID
LIKE I was stupid when I belonged to a senior high church group.
Finally, is there a message in all this? .. Let
me see. .. NOPE.. I don't think so. COMPLETELY VOID OF LOGIC AND
PURPOSE. Well wait a minute.. I have an important message that is just
coming to me. This would make a great VISA CARD COMMERCIAL. blender -
$35.00
clam sauce - $2.50
salsa - $2.00
assorted candybars (pre-chewed) - $2.00
honey - $1.50
jam - $2.25
snausage dog snacks - $2.50
medical insurance (in case you fall out of a van, or need your STOMACH
PUMPED) - $10 co-pay
Great friends/morons who love Jesus - PRICELESS!! Jeff
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